My Life Has changed i'll never be the same
This is my story about some true live events that happened to me well growing up i was always raised in a Christan home.my parents always worked hard to help us kids my family comes from Jamaica i was born here in the us.I take alot of pride in my family's heritage.Well growing up was hard because i had left a Christan school called Mt Zion in utica New york.I came along to going to public schools i was very nevervise but i struggled throughout high school always wanting to fit in and be popular.i hated myself because i was living a life no one would imagine I was gay and afraid i told some of my friends growing up i struggled with identity issues whether or not i wanted to be with a man or a woman.I lived a separate life not knowing what to do my parents marriage was falling my father was abuseive to my mom.My mom got enough courage to leave him even though she lived in fear she stood by her faith and never gave up hope that things were going to get better this was all going on when i was 16.I had dealt with some abuse when i was about 12 i always held it inside because i was ashamed.I had many friends and i had friends that gave up on me and walked away because my lifestyle was out of control i was drinking alot partying more then ever i gotten into doing drugs that's when my life changed forever i started getting so heavily into that i started getting so depressed.My realationships weren't always the greatest i would always pull away i broke hearts i lived my life in chaos.I always felt alone and that no one could help me i had lost my jobs over the years im 26 years old now.There was one person that always made me feel like i was alive and that was my high school sweetheart I knew i loved her more then anything in the world but i turned her world upside down.I never could forgive myself for that along with many others i hurt i was a broken soul that needed lots of help.Well as of last year October 15th,2010 I did the most scariest thing you could imagine I overdosed on pills now these pills were all full half bottles of hydrocodne flexirl paxil i had coke and beer in my system the thing is i wanted to die so bad and well I did.My mom said God told her to go upstairs and she found with a note passsed out slowly dying i had burnt my face with a ciggerate left a letter telling my mom i would never fit in that i had idenity issues for along time.Well my mom called the ambulance were she works and they rushed me to the hospital.There that's when everyone in my family waited to her my fate.Well my mother had shouted at the top of her lungs saying we need a miracle and told the doctors that they needed one that time then the doctors said they were loosing me.My mom had m pastor of my church i was born in raised in Mike Servello and his wife Barb Servello of Redeemer church there called now in Utica Ny, on herkimer road.They all prayed for me in the church then my aunts in new york city put my name across the radio for prayer and I had waken up the next day.I was in a coma for along time and i woke up looked at my mom and her friend that kept my mother company the whole time i said to them what's the matter why are you crying.They nearly passed out i was in rochester strong memorial hospital in the icu then they brought me to the liver part so i could get a new liver the thing is my liver completely failed on me and i never had to get a new one because i was healed.I was there for a month i had to learn how to walk all over again it was about three weeks before i could get my energy back because i was so weak.The doctors that worked with me explained i had a disorder called Bi polar and major depression.I never knew i had this all these years i knew i was depressed my whole life but couldn't figure out why.Well from there i left to another hospital called MVPC in utica new york i was there for 6 months it was the hardest thing i ever went through in my whole life.I did everything i was told to do.And that kept me from staying there any longer.I told my doctor there that i would whatever it takes to get my life back together and when i told him that he was in surprise because then he never knew what i meant that day.Well he diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress disorder Anxiety these things i also didn't think i had that bad but i do.Well after knowing about my disorders and learning about them i challege myself to stay focused on getting out and becoming clean.Well i went straight to McPike Rehab center i only left the hospital about 4 times out on pass because i had wanted to recover and do it without any distractions well going to rehab was fun.I ended there i wanted to go to this place called Conaford Park it was another rehab place were they had a buffet and a pool here im thinking yeah this will be awsome if i go there i got my hopes all high on this one place then i get told oh your going to McPike well.When I was there i was alittle afraid but i knew if i could go through two other hospitals and do this it's worth it.And my councler loved me there alot of people liked me even in the hospitals i was always worried what people would think about me and now im alot stronger then i was before this place was a great place for my recovery then i was so proud of myself i got my medallion with the Serenity Prayer on it i carry it everywhere I go when i talked and gave my speech my mom has said a few words and that was no matter what any of you do or what you gone through everyone deserves a second chance.And she was right i was given back my life and im here today to share my story not just that but my journey and what i had to do to get here.I did it all on my own I'am ten months sober today October 16th will be one year for me.I'm going the long way and staying happier with my medications great friends to talk to when i need help and a loving church that supports me.My life is totally changed and I'll never be the same person again now a days you can catch my volunteering in church or doing some kind of benefit walk plus my favorite hobby Zumba salsa dancing.I have a large support network and i know what to do when i need help.You see i spent my whole entire life suicidal always afraid to tell my mother and we share such a bond now that i have been very blessed and fortunate.My father died of 2007 21 of decemeber and my grandfather died of the 25th of 2007 it was a very hard year for my family so even with that i kept all my feelings inside about how i felt about it i never got the closure i wanted because the burial was done without us and I always blamed myself but it was never my fault.I say what kills you only makes you stronger and i learned alot of lessons out of this to just talk about it.You don't have to fit in to be popular and i'am unique for a reason and we all have a plan and purpose and im just glad im able to help others and reach out to them espically cause i know how it feels not to have anyone to go too.Well this is my story i consider myself a miracle more then just a hero thanks listeners now my life is starting it's new chapter of happiness.
