Sadness of Childhood
type story here!!!!!
As a child, you are to feel safe. Am I not right?
As, I was growing up in the 60's there was no such thing as child abuse.
So, we all had to deal with whatever came our way. Here is a story of one of those incidents:
Most days, I was playing with my neighborhood friends. In the 60's, you can ride your bikes
and play in big fields without the worry of someone trying to kidnap you. My
friends and I all had so much fun that we never had to worry about anything but
just playing whatever we felt like doing.
My parents were home this one day and had called us to come home. My father said, "Your going
to school tormorrow so can you say the abc's." I looked at my dad in a very confused way. When all
of sudden my sister started saying the alphabet from A to Z. She said it perfectly. I had
personally never heard the alphabet ever before this moment. My dad looked at me and said,
"Your sister can say alphabet, since you are older you should be able to do say it
better then your little sister. She isn't going to school. So, say the
alphabet, now." I said,"I don't know the alphabet I have never heard this before.
I can't do it" My dad got very angry and said,"You will do it or I will take you to the woods
and I will leave you there for the wolves to eat you." At that point I tried
tried several times to say the alphabet. My sister also kept saying the alphabet
over and over trying to help me learn the alphabet. She was even starting to cry
as I was trying so hard to say the alphabet. But I couldn't do it. So my father
made me get into the car and we drove off. As my father drove along the road
it seemed as if it was taking a long time. I kept trying repeatedly to say the
alphabet. Finally, my father pulled the car over and told me to get out. I said,
"No, I'm trying to say the alphabet, just give me little more time Can't you tell
I am trying hard. (sob, sob) Can't we just go home" My father said, "No, you
are letting your little sister show you up and it is embarrassing me." I could not
understand why that would be so embarrassing. I was only 6 years old.
After awhile , which seemed like a long, long time to me, my father started pushing
me out the door. It was getting really dark outside and I could hear the wolves starting
to howl. I was very scared and then, all of a sudden, I had a thought why don't
I just try to visulize my sister saying the alphabet and I did it. I closed
my eyes and I visulized my sister and I said the alphabet and my father said,
"Good. But, you should of known this before your sisterdid, because your the
oldest and you are suppose to be the example."
As I grew up this is the way my father raised. Always, with the violence and
mental abuse. I had to learn from these examples. How could I not have turned
to drugs or alcohol?
It has to have taken a lot of faith in yourself.
It has to have taken a lot inner strength.
I may never have learned in my youth in how to have a self-esteem, but I did learn
when I was older. As I grew into womenhood I learned that I have always
had a strong will and a strong stubborn streak to have survived.
Life is a long series of trials and I made it to this point and I am happy
for the experiences. For, I would not be the person of whom I am today.