Pranking the Padmore's: Chapter 1
Chapter 1: AN ORPHAN’S NIGHTMARE
Not many children would want to live the life of poor Parker Padmore. In fact, many children would rather live the Oliver Twist orphan lifestyle for an eternity, than take a walk in Parker’s shoes for a single day. Parker just had his tenth birthday yesterday, but there weren’t ten candles on a birthday cake, or even a birthday cake for that matter. There were no presents, no special dinner, not even a birthday card with some corny phrase nobody ever reads because you’re too excited about the money inside. Parker got none of those things. Nobody even wished him a happy birthday.
Parker is a relatively average looking young boy. His hair is shorter than a leprechaun on St. Patrick’s Day, and as dark as a black panther dressed in a tuxedo. His wardrobe is as slim and casual as you can get; owning only one pair of jeans, an extremely worn-in pair of sandals, and two white t-shirts. His t-shirts you could barely consider white though. Each had stains covered throughout as if he spilled scrambled eggs on them alternating the shirts every other day. Picking his Sunday best was never a problem, deciding by which shirt smelled less like he took his shower in garbage cans, and used manure as soap.
It is true that not many orphans would envy poor little Parker, but in a way Parker is an orphan himself. His parents were tragically killed in an automobile accident when he was only a few months old. Even more tragically, he was forced to move in with his only living relatives; his Aunt Betty and Uncle Eugene.
Both Eugene and Betty Padmore had about as much human compassion for others, as a lion has for a gazelle. They live in a relatively small neighborhood surrounded completely by trees over 200 feet high and a forest darker than night. Though the neighbors were extremely nice and often got together, the Padmore’s wanted nothing to do with them, and many of them didn’t even know of the Padmore’s existence. They rarely left the house and never let Parker go outside to play.
Betty Padmore claims herself to be a homemaker, but she doesn’t really make anything. She sleeps until mid-afternoon and upon waking up, puts on a nightgown, a layer of mascara complimented by her grayish-blue wig, and heads to the kitchen. Upon arrival, she turns on the television with a stack of gossip magazines which pretty much keeps her occupied for the rest of the day. Every 20-30 minutes she’ll yell at Parker to do her daily chores, and Parker knows not to put up a fuss.
Betty’s husband Eugene Padmore was the sole provider of the house, earning all of his money from online poker. To his credit, he is an exceptional player, but who wouldn’t be if its the only thing you’ve done for the last 20 years. Eugene spends all of his time in his computer chair in front of the computer, and as far back as he can remember, Parker has seen him out of that chair twice. Eugene eats in his chair, sleeps in his chair, does every conceivable thing imaginable in his chair, and it definitely shows. Eugene is about 300 pounds of pure fat and his love handles sag completely over both hand rests on the chair. He’s paler than an albino angel and his hair is as orange as a jack-o-lantern; bald on the top with an afro circling the sides of his head. Parker doesn’t get too much trouble from his Uncle Eugene except when he is hungry. Of course, when your Uncle is over 300 pounds, getting food can be a pretty common task, and has proved over time to occur most often than any other.
After all of Parker’s tedious choirs are done for the day, the Padmore’s force Parker to head off to his room. His room consists of a mattress and pillow placed on the floor with no frame or sheets and a few springs coming out. He has a desk with nothing on it except a picture of his parents, and a lamp which is told to be turned off by 8 p.m. sharp.
The rest of the Padmore’s house is pretty depressing as well. Other than a few television sets, computers, and magazines thrown on the floor, there isn’t much decoration to it. The Padmore’s also have an enormous fridge which takes up nearly half of their basement, stocked with any leftover take-out they don’t eat. Take-out is the only way they choose to eat, and though the neighbors might not know them, all the chinese restaurants and pizza places know them very well.
The Padmore household is the definition of depression. All Parker ever wanted was a normal family, with normal problems, and a normal life. It only seemed like a matter of time until Parker took matters into his own hands.