Servicing Your Country | By: Scott Crowder | | Category: Short Story - Adventure Bookmark and Share

Servicing Your Country


It has occurred to me that the biggest difference between a Republican President and a Democratic President is not so much a matter of how hard they fuck us but rather the position that they put us in prior to and during the acts.

In the past 16 years, we have enjoyed an equal fucking from both parties, with eight years of Democrass-fucking sandwiched between two four year stints of Republi-cornholing, by george.

The way I see it, Clinton laid us on our backs, lubricated us with prosperity and gave it to us whenever he felt the urge. But unlike his dealings with Monica, and unlike the Georges, Slick Willie never tried to stick it in our face. He did stretch our sphincter muscles when he and the ATF tag-teamed us at Ruby Ridge and Waco, but, at least he lubed us first, doctored us with economic growth and kept us KYd until his turn at the hole in the barrel was over.

By contrast, the Georges bent us over, took our wallets and dry fucked us until we bled. But rather than stopping after they satiate their desires (and bank accounts), the Bushwhackos also have opened the door to let all of their rich Republican friends and supporters have a free piece. Ass-fucking Grandma Millie in California is much more gratifying when she leaves a light on because she is paying $250.00 a megawatt hour for her electricity. And by shoving an electric vibrator up her ass, they can profit even more. As for the rest of the citizenry, we are now loose enough to park a Halliburton tanker truck in our colons.

All in all, Id rather not be ass-fucked by either party but since it appears inevitable, I say, A Vote for Kerry is a Vote for Less Painful Buggery.
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