Reunions That Go Wrong
Bad Reunions Between True and Natural Parents and Their Adult Adoptive Children
There is no "bad" reunion when adoptees can at least know the truth of their existence, their connection to the generations before them-they can become grounded in reality, not myth and fantasy.
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I have to disagree with the above statement about No Such Thing As bad reunions between adult adoptees and their "true and natural"parents.
One too many "true and natural" parents in particular "mothers" get hurt many times over when they are finally reunited with the children they lose either voluntarily or involuntarily. This is because the adult adoptee may or may not be mature or mentally or intellecutally capable of understanding the events surrounding the reasons why their "true and natural" parents had to give them up for adoption.
I can not explain why any parent would willingly surrender their parental rights to their child. However, it is whole another ball game when the parents become victims of Child Protection Services and lose their parental rights involuntarily to their
children.
Some states may allow the "true and natural" mother to place a letter into the
Child's docile explaining why the "true and natural" mother had to place them up for adoption. However, any parent who becomes victim to Child Protection Services is not allowed to place a letter written to the child they have lost due to involuntarily termination of their parental rights.
The child's life story which is placed into the docile written by the State Child Protection Services has a missing part in the file which is given to the adoptive parents giving them information that lead up to the "true and natural" parents losing their parental rights to their child or children.
Once the child becomes a legal adult may or may not be shown the docile that the state gave to their adoptive parents. Most likely it is only one-sided. The one side is given by the State. The other side -the parent's side is ommitted.
How is an adult adoptee who is also a victim of Child Protection Services suppose to be given the truth if their "true and natural" parents side of events is ommitted.
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Adoptees who reconnect with their past will be "opening up a can of worms" that will have a negative impact.
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This may be true or may not be true. It just depends upon the maturity of the child once he/she becomes a
legal adult. Some of it can lead up to be a positive impact. Some of it can lead up to be a negative impact.
The "true and natural" parents need to determine the real reason why their adult adoptee child is even looking for them. What will achieved if they reunite after so many years. What does the adult adoptee want from
their "true and natural" parents or just "birth"mother.
Will this reunion lead up to positive reunion between "true and natural" parents or a negative one. When the adult adoptee just wants to use the "true and natural" parents and make them feel gulity about placing them
up for adoption.
I,believe the best way for a "true and natural" parent or Mother to reunite with her adult adoptee child is
either via Telephone, US Mail, or E-mail. Face to Face Reunions can often hurt the "true and natural" mother and lead up to more hurt then she experienced before.
My own personal face to face reunions with my forced created adoptee daughter, Rebecca, achieved nothing.
I came away feeling empty and totally exhausted. Sometimes I wish we had never met. Rebecca will never have the mental or intellectually capability of understanding the events that lead to Her dad and me losing our parental rights to her in 1983.
Roy and I never got over the heart break and lost of losing Rebecca to the state and her placement with her adoptive family, which CPS assured me they were fully capable of raising a handicap child. However, they were not and they later on regretted adopting her.
Reunions often turn out to be bitter-sweet. Think about it?
Karissa Elizabeth Anne Lowell
5-13-2005
