Participants Discuss Holiday Celebration | By: Greg Miller | | Category: Short Story - Comedy Bookmark and Share

Participants Discuss Holiday Celebration


© 2012


Two of the year’s biggest holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, met to discuss consolidation of the two big days.
Representatives of several major Christian denominations had contacted the holidays to suggest the merger. “Consolidating the holidays would mean one less weekend of major traffic congestion,” stated one representative.
“And if we push Christmas back to Thanksgiving Day, the chance of snow on either holiday will be greatly reduced,” stated another representative. She secretly wanted to do away with the Christmas holiday because she felt the spiritual impact of the holiday was increasing too rapidly.
A third representative was determined to cut back on the amount of food consumed in November and December. “Calories consumed must be drastically reduced,” he reasoned.
A fourth representative wanted to see Thanksgiving move forward and be celebrated on Dec 25. “My idea will reduce the number of hogs and turkeys consumed, plus the chance for snow will be better,” she said

Ham and Turkey didn’t attend the meeting. However, they sent notes to be read to attendees.
Turkey’s note read, “Turkeys are rapidly becoming an endangered species in North America. Please take all appropriate action to increase the turkey population.“
Turkey continued, “I think there should be at least a five-year moratorium on eating turkeys on Thanksgiving and Christmas, even if the holidays are consolidated. And I want hamburger become the official meat of the consolidated holidays.”
Hog’s note was similar to the one written by turkey. Hog wrote, “We want to secede from the Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations. “I propose that turkey, duck, chicken and lamb alternate as the main guest of honor. And, obviously, I’m in favor of the two holidays being consolidated.”
Both Thanksgiving and Christmas were in favor of maintaining two separate days of celebration. “My day has been observed in November for as long as I can remember,” said Thanksgiving.
“I agree with Thanksgiving,” said Christmas. “No one ever gives Christmas presents on Thanksgiving Day. As for the weather, it doesn’t matter to me. The Sovereign Lord controls the weather.”
Christmas always enjoyed getting the last word at these types of meetings. “We do need to keep the holidays separate!,” she declared. “And I think we should have turkey, ham, duck, chicken, lamb and hamburger at every Thanksgiving and Thanksgiving celebration.
“Since I’m the final authority around here, the decision is two separate holidays from now on. Everyone is to maintain the celebration of Jesus’ birthday as the main reason for Christmas. And being thankful for Jesus dying on the Cross should always be the primary reason for which people are thankful on Thanksgiving Day and all year long.
“By the way, I’m ready for a snack. After Thanksgiving asks the blessing, would somebody please pass me a bologna sandwich and a slice of homemade pumpkin pie!?”
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