LIGHTNING BUGS? | By: Willy Senkiwsky | | Category: Short Story - Comedy Bookmark and Share



By WILLY SENKIWSKY 4/4/05 12:30 pm

I have no idea who, what, where and why bugs are given certain names. Like why do people call a bee a bee and not a kay? Or who, what and why the Pyractomena borealis was called a 'Lightning Bug?' Okay let me amend that I can definitely see the 'why' in that! (And yeah I had to look it up on the net) In looking it up I found that the 'flashing' of the bug is used as a 'sexual attractant' to others of their species. In human beings the same purpose is served by hairdos, perfume and lingerie.

Imagine, for a second, if female humans had a flashing light in her buttocks. Hair stylists, the Channel family and especially Victoria's Secret would have absolutely no business. But knowing man kind like I do I'm sure it wouldn't be long before there were 'high-beams' on the market, most likely preceded by an 'On all the Time' modification. Probably powered by batteries (the number and size would depend on the female's age, weight, and who she was trying to attract). Like an eighteen year old weighing ninety-seven pounds could, probably, attract me even if her batteries were long dead! That is if I wasn't already with an 'older woman' with mucho fire in her butt!

Okay I just checked the facts again and it seems that both genders flash. You know what that means don't you? The 426 Hemi powered male would get all the chicks (Or substitute the 'current hot' car). If it had a supercharger and fuel injection it would clean up on a stroll down the street. The, older, male would most likely have an A/C adapter for indoors and use a 12 V car battery when walking around the city. Hey the competition is tough!

I never knew why those bugs had fire in their butts (no Internet then) I thought it was just to get under my, and everybody else's skin...

Here's the link to my site, now I definitely have music, and me singing "That's Just the Way That I Am," an original, there and pics too. Don't just stop at the front page scroll down and check it all out! Keep checking back it just been updated... I made a new page, "Me and Evilbay (A work in progress)." There are pages "How to Know If you're a New Yorker," by me and "Willys Jokes." A little humor on the serious side! Sign the guestbook too y'all!