Extreme Makeover
(c)2007 - all rights reserved
Chapter 1
It all started by accident.
“By accident?” I hear you say. “How can something like that be accidental?”
It’s simple actually.
It all stems from that old adage: “be careful what you wish for” and for Gary Jones, no truer words were e’er spake…
Gary and his girlfriend Valerie or Val as she preferred, were classic ‘couch potatoes’; their evenings mapped out by TV programmes. Admittedly, Gary had things he liked as did Val and whilst their tastes did overlap, Gary hated girly stuff.
That was until ABC started Extreme Makeover. Suddenly names like Bill Dorfman, Jon Perlman, Garth Fisher and Michael Thurmond became household names to him and Val and after just one show, Gary was hooked. They would arrange their meals around this TV show whenever it was on and since age was creeping up on them, not to mention the fact that both felt their bodies could be a great deal better, they were both able to identify with many of the applicants.
The end results were always stunning. Even if the getting there was a teensy bit gruesome at times.
One though was especially astounding. Gone was the ugly duckling, the bad teeth and fried-egg boobs, replaced by the beauty that stood poised and confidant before the camera.
“This has exceeded even my wildest dreams. Everything I could have wished for and more.” she said.
“Huh! Lucky so-and-so.” grumbled Val, who considered that perhaps her breasts could do with a bicycle pump.
“No shit! Even I’d feel that was ‘everything I could have wished for and more.” snorted Gary.
“Would you now?” said Val, eyebrows sliding up her forehead a couple of inches. Gary looked at her slightly shocked, before realising that she wasn’t entirely serious.
“We-ell,” he blushed. “I quite like the idea of breasts.” He grinned and pushed ‘breast-shapes’ out with his hands from under his t-shirt. She shook her head.
“Is that all you think about?” she asked.
“Well no, not all.” he said shrugging almost apologetically then pausing. “Okay, pretty much, but there’s the thought of beer and one or two other things that occasionally pass through my mind as well…”
“Really?” she asked, her eyebrows rising further. “Such as?”
“Okay, you got me sussed.” he said standing up and posing in much the same way as the woman on screen. “I admit it. I really wish I had a body like hers. It’s not just the tits.”
“You’re impossible!” she laughed, slapping him playfully on the shoulder and they hugged, still laughing together.
The next day, Gary awoke feeling decidedly odd. Bleary-eyed, he pulled on a dressing gown and stumbled into the bathroom, plonking himself on the toilet seat as was his habit first thing rather than risk missing the pan. Getting up afterwards, he caught a glimpse of himself as he walked past the mirror hanging over the basin.
“Blimey!” he thought. “She’s stacked.” An appropriate comment, since apart from being dark-haired and brown eyed, the reflected image did bear a resemblance to Skyler (Pamela Anderson) from the TV comedy, Stacked (though not quite so ‘stacked’), which didn’t register fully until he reached the door, some three tenths of a second later, where he froze, his large, long-lashed eyes going very wide.
He shook his head, feeling long, tousled hair undulate with his motions.
“What the…?” he wondered and moved backwards towards the mirror.
“Holy cow!” he whispered.
“Oh, do you like it duckyboots? I couldn’t help overhearing you last night. I think I did rather well and it’s all real, no implants. Better than that woman on the telly don’t you think?”
“What? Who said that?” exclaimed Gary, spinning round and narrowly missing crashing down on the bathtub due to the redistribution of weight, most notably just below his shoulders at the front – lots of front; lots.
“Now don’t you just look peachy when you’re flustered, sweetie?”
Standing by the lavatory, was a man, least it looked like it was masculine – sort of. He was about five foot five, clipper-cut silver-white hair and quite round. He had a stud in at least one ear that sparkled and a cherubic face. Definitely male, but then again... Perhaps it was the pink tutu, white tights, purple Doctor Marten’s, cotton wool-covered cardboard wings strapped to his back and a wand with silver, glitter-covered five-pointed star on the end.
“Who the hell are you?” demanded Gary turning and looking directly at the… er, ‘thing’ in the little girl’s ballerina costume.
“Well that’s a nice welcome I must say.” it replied, pouting. “Some people just don’t appreciate the effort. I’m your fairy Godfather of course.”
“Godfather?” Gary exclaimed. “What have you done to me?”
“Answered your wish and aren’t you just darling.” it lisped. “Positively ravishing – for a woman!”
“Wish? What wish?”
“The one you made last night lovipoohs. At the end of that telly programme.” He waved his wand in that typical ‘fairy’ movement, where with a very limp wrist and pinky-finger raised, the wand swished through the air leaving a trail of sparkles behind it. When it stopped, there was a flash and a cartoon-style TV set appeared floating just above the bathroom floor showing him and Val and the last few moments of Extreme Makeover where Gary posed, the man’s entire movement culminating in the thrusting outwards of his posterior, flicking the rear of the tutu into the air with a flamboyant flourish.
“You wanted to have a body like hers and well, here I am and there you are. Aren’t you pleased?”
“Oh shit!” said Gary, dropping heavily on the edge of the bath, his face pale. The wand was swished again, leaving more glittery trails in the air as the TV ‘poofed’ out of existence with a flash and a puff of blue smoke. Gary rubbed his eyes, blinking. The man was still there.
“That’s not what I meant… I am dreaming aren’t I?”
“Not a dream, sweet-cheeks.” It lisped in a sing-song manner then added in a more serious tone, “A dream come true.”
“You’re my fairy Godfather you say?” Gary quizzed, the concept of a masculine version of a fairytale princesses magical ally coming into reality in masculine form – if that be an adequate description.
“In the flesh – so to speak.” he said twirling girlishly though clumsily, the wand leaving glittery trails as if to add emphasis to the move.
“You’re joking.”
“Do I look like I’m joking?” he asked petulantly, striking a pose once again poking his butt out behind him.
“Joking? No, but I’m afraid I’m finding it very difficult to take you seriously in that get-up.”
“I thought it was appropriate.” he said girlishly, flouncing the frills of the tutu, the wings on his back giving a slight flutter as he jiggled.
“Appropriate for what?” asked Gary, finding it nearly impossible to maintain his composure.
“Being a fairy Godfather, silly!” he camped.
“Emphasis on the ‘fairy’ I presume?”
“Now, now. No need to be catty.”
“So how many wishes do I get?”
“How many? There is no ‘many’. I thought you’d be happy with this one.”
“But it wasn’t really a wish. It was just idle banter, you know, we were messing around”
“It wasn’t?”
“No.”
“Well it sounded like a wish to me otherwise it wouldn’t have worked.”
“Well okay, I said “I wish”, but I didn’t really wish.”
“A wish is a wish.”
“That’s rubbish! I’ve wished loads of times to win the lottery, but it never happened. I’ve wished umpteen times to get that special job, but that didn’t happen either. Where were you then and why did you suddenly decide to grant this of all wishes?” said Gary hotly.
“Er… It sounded real enough to me.” said the little man defensively.
“But you didn’t check before you unloaded a full-blown sex change on me?” asked Gary. “No ‘are you sure’ dialog box to ‘okay’?” The little man looked at the floor, pushing some vagrant specs of dust around with his toe.
“No.” he said, finally.
“Right; that’s what I thought. Well, it’s obviously been a huge mistake so change me back.”
“Can’t.” said the little man.
“What? I’m stuck like this?” Asked Gary, his dark eyes widening to the size of serving platters as the little man looked more and more unsure of himself.
“Ah…” he said cautiously. “I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t go away.” The little man looked agitated and with a ‘phut’, he vanished.
Gary sat down on the edge of the bath, head in hands.
“What am I going to do?” he asked rhetorically.
Moments later, there was the sound of arguing, well, bickering really; like two people having a bit of a to-do at the other end of a long tunnel. The sound got closer and closer followed by a flash then a ‘poof’ noise and out of the smoke stepped a skinny man in a gold lamé jacket, skin-tight leather trousers and a shiny satin shirt unbuttoned to the middle of his chest; a gold medallion nestled, sparkling in the ‘V’. He was carrying a clipboard and had a biro behind his right ear. He also didn’t stop berating whoever it was he was giving the ear-bashing to.
Seconds later, there was a slight crackling in the air, a small wisp of smoke and out of it fell the little man, who crashed to the floor just in front of Gary’s extremely pretty feet. He too was arguing the toss, but his ranting was cut short upon impact with the bathroom floor.
“Ow! Bugger!” he said.
“Impressive.” said Gary wryly.
“I’ve told you before, Cedric, not to do that. You haven’t had the practice.”
“But you did it.” pouted the little man smoothing his clothing.
“Yes Cedric, but when I did it, I didn’t fall from five feet above the intended floor and besides, I looked good doing it. Wouldn’t you agree Mr Jones?”
“What? Me? Don’t bring me into this. I just want to get back to normal.” said Gary, watching the proceedings with interest and no small amount of confusion.
“Ah yes. About that…” started the skinny fellow, flicking through pages on his clipboard. “What appears to be the problem?”
“Well, Duh!” said Gary, his temper becoming once again inflamed. He stood and opened his gown, displaying his all too feminine figure. “Even you called me ‘Mr Jones’.”
“Ah.” said the skinny man blushing crimson.
“That’s what he said.” said Gary sitting back on the edge of the bath and throwing an accusing look at Cedric, who immediately went and stood behind the skinny man, peeping out from behind his left arm.
“Ah.” said the skinny man again.
“So you said – twice.” said Gary. “Now what are you going to do about it?”
“To be frank Mr Jones, there’s not a lot at this moment that we can do.”
“What?! This was his mistake not mine. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I mean, there must be millions out there who would give their eye teeth for something like this to happen to them, but I really don’t want this and haven’t done from the beginning. I told Clarence that.”
“It’s Cedric.” said the pouting little man, poking his tongue out at Gary, who studiously ignored him.
“Whatever. I told him that in the beginning. So why can’t you just undo what you did and let me get back to my life?”
“Magic doesn’t work like that. Each time it’s used, it sends out ripples.”
“And your point is?”
“Let me explain. It’s like when you drop a stone into a still pond, the ripples move outwards from the point of entry, right? Well magic works the same way. The magic is the stone and the pond is your world. The ripples the stone makes upon entry represent the magic as it ripples outwards. The time it takes the ripples to dissipate depends on the magic performed. You could say that the type of magic performed in this case was a very big stone, sending out very strong ripples. We can’t create more magic in your specific pond until after those ripples have dissipated and the pond is once again still. Changing you was big magic and it takes longer for the ripples in your pond to settle.
“Now if we were to change you back, it would be like dropping another stone into your pond before the ripples had gone – before the pond was once again still. The ripples would mix up and become distorted. There’s no telling what might happen if we did that.”
“How long before you can do something?” asked Gary standing up again. The skinny man sucked in through his front teeth like a mechanic trying to work out how much he could overcharge his customer for something that really didn’t need doing in the first place.
“No more than a month.”
“A month?”
“Maybe two, it depends.”
“TWO MONTHS?!” Gary dropped back to the edge of the bath with a muffled ‘thud’.
“Look, I understand how you feel, but magic takes time to settle and we have to let it settle.”
“But what happens in the meantime? What am I going to say to Val, the people I work with? No-one’s going to believe this.”
“Ah, now we can help you there.”
“Hallelujah!”
“We can cast a spell that will cause people who know you to accept that you are who you are, what you look like etc, but it will mean that you will have to wait the full two months before you can be changed back.”
“And no-one will know that I wasn’t er, like this before?”
“They may have a feeling there’s something different, but they won’t know what and they won’t dwell upon questioning you.”
“That’s a start at least.”
“It’s the least we can do, after all, you’re right, it was our fault.” said the man with the clipboard, looking daggers over his shoulder at Cedric who immediately cowered. “We should have been a little more thorough before we started shooting spells of at the hip – shouldn’t we Cedric?”
“I told you Stephen, I distinctly heard him wish…”
“Yes well. If that is all, we’ll be off.” said Stephen, cutting Cedric’s excuse off by clapping his hand over the little man’s mouth.
“Actually, there is just one more thing.”
Stephen removed the biro from behind his ear again and flipped the pages to a blank one. “Yes?”
“You couldn’t help out with the wardrobe could you? I don’t have anything – and I mean anything except this dressing gown – to wear.”
“That’s no problem, Cedric?”
“My pleasure Stephen.” said the small man, inclining his head. The little man went through the same ritual as before as he waved his wand, the sparkles building to a crescendo and both he and Stephen vanished.
“Now that was impressive.” said Gary.
“Thank you.” replied a hollow-sounding Cedric from the ether.
Gary still wasn’t wholly convinced he wasn’t dreaming. He opened the front of his gown to stare at the body reflected in the mirror.
It looked real and as he slid his hands from hip to breasts, it felt real. He gasped slightly as his delicate hands moved across his nipples, leaving them firm and tingling, the darkened skin around them, crinkling and producing yet more tingles as the temperature rose.
“Phew!” he said breathlessly. “I never thought…” He imagined he was feeling pretty much the same sensations as Val when he played with her breasts. It was a whole new ball game or should that be a game without balls now?
I know what you’re thinking and yes, he did try out the rest, but rather than take this account into the realms of pornography, let’s just say that he ended up with a look of wonder, jelly legs and found himself sat once again on the edge of the bath, a warm feeling all over and once the feelings had subsided, a silly grin on his face.
Just from this one um, ‘trial run’ shall we say…
Oh come on now, be fair. You can’t expect to give someone a whole new toolkit and not expect them to at least try it out can you?
Anyway, as I was saying, his little ‘trial run’ was a real eye opener for him. It gave him a sensation that rocked his world, or very nearly took his legs out from under him. It was much a more intense sensation than he’d experienced as a man and his mind was racing at the thought of more of the same when it came to him and Val together – which would no doubt up the intensity some.
Drawing his dressing gown tightly round him or her I should say, she tip-toed back into the bedroom, slipping quietly in to her side of the bed, hoping not to disturb Val as she lay sleeping.
Chapter 2
“YOU DID WHAT?” asked Don, the head fairy Godfather through gritted teeth as Cedric and Stephen stood before him like two schoolboys before the headmaster. “What were you doing casting spells alone?”
“Well, he wished.” said Cedric, shrugging, his fake fairy wings fluttering gently as he did so.
“It was a mistake, sir.” said Stephen quickly stamping on Cedric’s foot, who suppressed a squeal. “I should have been there.”
“It’s a bit more than a simple mistake don’t you think?” asked Don, his face already flame red, the veins on his neck standing out like heavy-duty industrial drainage pipes. “A mistake is turning the onion into a red carriage and not a blue one or giving someone a white tuxedo instead of a black one. This is a… a… I don’t even know what to call this.”
“Travesty?” offered Stephen helpfully.
“This is really bad alright.” said Don returning to his seat and drawing himself up to the desk. “How’s he taking it?”
“Not too well.” said Stephen. “He wasn’t terribly impressed and wanted us to change him back there and then.”
“I’m not surprised.” said Don from behind his large oak desk. “You didn’t try did you?”
“I explained why we couldn’t do that.”
“I presume you put the usual blockage spell into force.”
“We did.” said Stephen, beaming at having got that right. “I told him we couldn’t change him back but told him that we would put a spell in place so that people wouldn’t know he hadn’t always been that way.”
“Good, good!” said Don relaxing back into his chair. “And his name now?” he asked.
“Gary.”
“Yes, I know what his name was. I asked what it is now.”
“Gary.” said Stephen, his voice wavering slightly at the end of the second syllable as he realised that he had forgotten this part.
Don’s face started to redden again, the veins standing from his neck as he clasped his face in his hands. This time, the older man was starting to shake noticeably. Cedric and Stephen started to shuffle towards the door.
“Ye Gods!” he exclaimed.
“He didn’t ask us to change it, Don.” said Stephen defensively.
“He shouldn’t have needed to ask, you bloody idiots. He didn’t ask to be changed at all. You should have got this right. After all, just how many women do you know called Gary?”
“Well, not ‘Gary’, but there is Arnold and Rudolph.” offered Cedric starting to count some off on his stubby little fingers.
“Who?” asked Don.
“Arnold and Rudolph. They like to be called Candy and Jasmine at the weekends.”
“Real women.” said Don shaking his head.
“Ah.” said Cedric, shoving his hands behind his back. “Sorry.”
“I’ll take care of it.” said Stephen.
“You’d better. I don’t want to have to call in the Godmothers. We’ll never hear the end of it.”
“You can rely on us, sir!” said Stephen enthusiastically.
“I bloody-well hope so. I’ll be watching you two and woe betides you if you screw this one up.”
Gary awoke with sunlight streaming through the bedroom window, the memory of a strange dream in her head. She shuffled to the bathroom and sat on the toilet, rubbing her eyes and trying to remember details. Next thing she knew was out of the corner of her eye she caught a flash and as she turned her head, she saw Stephen.
“Argh!” she cried, jumping up and displaying her totally naked body to the skinny man. “Don’t you ever knock?”
“Arrrgh!” shouted Stephen jumping back and covering his eyes.
“Arrrrrrrrrgh!” shouted Cedric, dropping into the bathroom from just below the ceiling, crashing down into the middle of the floor. “Bugger!”
“Oh my G…It’s all real.” said Gary, clasping her head in her hands.
“I’m afraid so.” said Stephen, sympathetically. “Um, you might want to put something on.” He threw a towel to Gary who tried in vain to cover herself before both realised it was only a hand towel and barely covered her breasts. Stephen picked a bath towel off the rack and threw that one over.
“Thanks. You really need to do something about him. He’s either going to hurt himself or someone else.”
“I know. I’ll get to that later. Meanwhile, we have something else to attend to.”
“What’s that?” asked Gary.
“Your name.” said Stephen, once again flicking through the pages on the clipboard.
“What’s wrong with it?”
“It’s er, hardly fitting is it?” said Stephen looking suggestively up and down Gary’s new body as she wrapped the towel around her.
“Oh… Er, no. I suppose not.”
They all hushed as footsteps could be heard coming up the stairs.
“Is everything alright in there?” said a very concerned Val from outside the door.
“Yes; yes, it’s fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” said Gary. She turned to the two fairy Godfathers in the room and whispered “Whatever you’ve got to do, you’d better do it now and do it quietly.”
“Do you have a favourite?” asked Stephen in a low whisper.
“Favourite what?” quizzed Gary, screwing up her face in consternation.
“Name. Try and keep up, we haven’t much time.”
“Listen Stephen, I’ve had this name for over thirty years now. I’ve never even had to think about another.”
“Yes, well, it’s not good enough at the moment. Perhaps if your name was Tracy or Dana or something else that can easily be feminised if it isn’t already kind of unisex, but Gary? It’s already difficult enough as it is.”
“Alright, alright now shush. Let me think.” said Gary holding her hands up. She thought for a moment, but it’s one of those things that unbidden, names and other words stroll around in the brain all the time. You want one of them and they all seem to hide under rocks and such. Moments later Gary made a decision.
“Angela.”
“Angela? Are you sure?” said Cedric, not entirely convinced.
“It’s the best I can do at short notice. Not only that, but my mind sort of went blank. It’s all I could think of.”
“I think it’s splendid!” whispered Stephen with a grin.
“I’m not sure.” said Cedric, his index finger on his lips and looking thoughtful. “I mean, he doesn’t look much like an Angela does he?”
“It’s ‘she’ and Angela’s Fine!” said Stephen through clenched teeth. “Now quiet; I’ll deal with you later.”
“Oooooh! Don’t get your knickers in a twist luvvie. I wasn’t the one who forgot the name was I?”
“No you’re just the one who got us into this mess in the first place.” said Stephen, clapping his hand over Cedric’s mouth before he could say anything more and the two of them vanished.
“Your tea’s getting cold Angie. Are you going to be long?” Angela turned and looked at the bathroom door in wonder. It had worked. The two strange men had actually done it, though she supposed that compared to the sex change, changing someone’s name was a walk in the park. The sound of it coming from Val’s lips though, made it sound so much more real somehow.
“Just coming.” she called and took off the towel, wandering naked into the bedroom. She was self conscious about it, but she figured that Val would think nothing of it.
“Good morning.” said Val, leaning towards Angie for a good morning kiss.
“Morning you.” said Angie as their lips met.
It wasn’t passionate, well not particularly and as they pulled apart, there was a strange look on Val’s face. It was kind of enquiring, if not incomprehension, something just short. Angie couldn’t quite work out what 'that' look meant and she wasn’t exactly encouraged by it. She just fobbed it off as her being slightly out of sorts, after all, a lot had happened in a very short space of time and it was only to be expected that she wasn’t going to be one hundred percent, plus she was having to put all her trust in two people that thus far had been anything but successful in their endeavours.
Things settled down as the two women drank their morning cuppa and chatted. At the end, Angie was starting to feel a little more relaxed. When they embraced, Angie’s heart went into overdrive. She had an idea of how this was going to go, how she was going to feel and had been looking forward to it.
Let’s give them some privacy at this point shall we? I mean, it’s bad enough that they should be being watched when they weren’t expecting it, by two inept fairy Godfathers let alone the tens of thousands of you out there. So can we skip the heavy breathing and things that you wouldn’t be comfortable telling your mothers, to meet up with them afterwards, admitting only that Angie was not disappointed.
Val showered first, leaving Angie with another silly grin on her face, thinking that if the last um, while (I’m not going to tell you how long it lasted) was anything to go by, being a girl may not be so bad after all. All those things she had considered as being negatives were melting away as the warm glow of her and Val together re-ran through her mind; the closeness, the tenderness, the lack of hurriedness and the gentleness all culminating in something that ordinarily Angie would have considered would only have been achieved in a drug induced state.
“It’s all yours.” said Val as she returned from the bathroom to dress, still drying her hair with a towel. Angie showered and by the time she had finished and dressed in jeans and t-shirt, Val was already downstairs.
Angie made some coffee and sat at the table with Val who was looking somewhat distracted for some reason.
“Is it something I’ve done?” said Angie, worried that the spell had been broken and suddenly Val knew what was happening.
“No.” she said, looking at Angie with distant eyes. “Nothing you’ve done. I don’t know I just feel a little out of sorts.”
They drank their coffee in near silence, Angie not knowing what to say to the one person in the world that she really needed to be supportive. Of course with the drama of the previous few hours, it was only to be expected that she would be apprehensive, but nevertheless, she put on a brave face, smiled at Val a lot and the two of them prepared to go to see Lynn, Val’s mum.
Lynn was typically A-typical. She was not the mother-in-law from hell that so many men complain about. If anything, she was completely the opposite. She was kind and understanding, even when they were going through rough patches. When they got to Lynn’s, Angie was nearly petrified. She knew that if anyone would be able to see through this obvious deception, she would.
“Come in, it’s good to see you both.” she said, kissing each of them on each cheek before leading them through to the lounge.
They enjoyed a good old chinwag and for possibly the first time in all the years they had been together, Angie didn’t feel like a fifth wheel. Perhaps it was this new female form, giving her more of a predisposition towards more feminine forms of chatter. Whatever it was, she felt more at home at that moment than at any other time.
It all came crashing down around her ears when Val went to make some more tea and bring in some biscuits.
“Alright Gary,” she said sternly. “What’s going on?”
“Gary? But you’re not supposed to be able to see. No-one is.” said Angie, suddenly very scared.
“I know. I’m not supposed to be able to do a lot of things, but miraculously I seem perfectly able.”
“I wasn’t trying to be facetious. I was just told that no-one would be able to see through what I am now and just accept it.”
“And a very good job whoever did this did too, nevertheless, it’s not who you are – or were, is it?”
“No.”
“So what happened?”
Angie, nearly in tears now, outlined all of what had happened over the preceding hours, adding that of course she didn’t want to stay that way, but it was going to take a couple of months before the spell could be undone, by which time, she could hold it back no longer and tears ran freely as did the sobbing.
“What’s going on?” asked Val, bursting into the lounge.
“Nothing, it’s alright. Angie was just getting something off her chest. How’s that tea coming along?”
“Fine. The tea’s fine. It’ll be ready in a few moments.” said Val and left the lounge.
“Don’t say anything about this to her will you?”
Angie nodded, dabbing her eyes again and a few moments later, Val came in carrying a tray with a fresh pot of tea and a plate of plain chocolate digestives.
The rest of the visit was pretty much uneventful and Angie was surprised that Lynn let nothing slip. Even Val didn’t press. In fact, she said nothing about Angie’s outburst at all and when they came to leave, Lynn kissed both of them on the cheeks again, but called Angie back as they were walking up the garden path.
“You’re tall Angie. Would you mind getting something down from on top of my wardrobe before you go?” Angie stopped as did Val, asking if Angie needed a hand.
“It’s alright. It’s just high up, not heavy.”
Inside, Lynn pushed the front door to.
“I don’t need anything got from anywhere. I just wanted to tell you that if you have any problems at all – any – you’ll come and see me.” There was a look in Lynn’s eyes that calmed Angie down a lot and she promised that if anything did happen, she would be the first one she spoke to.
It would be remiss of me not to add something about how Val was feeling at this point as so far, I have only covered what had happened to Gary, who is now Angie or Angela.
It’s all very well for a spell to be cast that gives the recipient the impression that something may have always been the way it currently appears, but what it cannot do, is tell someone they are now gay where before they were heterosexual and have them blindly accept it, which was approximately what happened to Val.
Waking up, she first got the sleep out of her eyes and turned to kiss the exposed shoulder of her dearly beloved. The fact that she had to brush vast amounts of hair away before she could get to that shoulder didn’t register until after she had descended the stairs and was waiting for the kettle to boil. Somehow, she knew it was right, but at the same time, which was confusing to say the least, something was telling her that no, that wasn’t right.
There was a thump on the floor in the bathroom above. She finished making the tea and as she passed the bathroom door, she asked if everything was alright.
“Yes; yes, fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” said a voice in reply.
Now she accepted that it was the voice of her dearly beloved, but not before blinking a couple of times on hearing a decidedly feminine voice answer, but before she could dwell upon this fact, it disappeared from her mind and she continued on into the bedroom.
The next thing she knew was that the bathroom was still occupied and the other side of the bed wasn’t. It had been ages since she had returned with the tea and she looked up and called out.
“Your tea’s getting cold, Angie.” she said and blinked again, her face a picture of consternation. The fleeting query of “Angie?” disappeared leaving only a pair of scorch marks; a mute reminder of how quickly it left her mind.
“Just coming.” floated back from the bathroom and moments later, in came Angie.
Val watched over the top of the magazine she was reading as a naked Angie sauntered into the room and walked around the bed to get in on her side, Val’s brain in a state of flux, torn between ogling the girl before her and acceptance of the fact that this was the person with whom she had been living for nearly a decade and a half.
The half that was having issues with the image that was gliding sensuously around the bed, stark naked, skin taut and smooth, pale and soft-looking, took in the sight. ‘Her’ breasts stood without the slightest support, jutting straight out from her chest, capped by two dark nipples, slightly erect. ‘Her’ narrow waist flared gently to hips and thighs that had not a trace of cellulite and upwards, led past those gravity-defying breasts to slender shoulders, beautiful neck and oh goodness, that face.
Her face was like porcelain, smooth, clear and – and beautiful. Her eyes, dark and smouldering, her lips, full and pouting just enough not to appear false and the corners turned up by the perfect amount to show the warmth Val knew lay behind.
“Good morning.” said Val, doing what she always did and leaning towards Angie for a good morning kiss.
That mouth was soft and melted into hers as their lips met. It wasn’t a passionate kiss, just one that was maybe a notch or two above two good friends meeting, but not as far as passionate. Yet Val was completely knocked over by the warmth and passion that immediately started to well up inside.
It was something she wasn’t expecting.
Although traditionally, the weekend was where they enjoyed their sexual encounters with the most regularity, it had never started this simply. Val’s mind was awhirl with the effects of that kiss, that simple kiss and a look of confusion covered her face. Should she continue and get stuck in there? Should she back off and have tea first. As ludicrous as it sounds, in all their years together, she couldn’t remember a simple kiss being that hot.
The feelings from the kiss subsided – slightly and they drank their tea, all the while, Val just wanted to ‘get it on’. When they did, she couldn’t believe the difference in what she thought she remembered of sex on previous occasions.
It wasn’t until afterwards that she realised that although extremely pleasurable, she couldn’t remember for the life of her ever having had sex with a woman before and yet, she knew for certain that she and Angie had been together forever - hadn’t they?
Talk about baking her noodle.
By the time Angie had showered and joined Val downstairs for coffee, Val’s head was upside down, inside out and back to front just for good measure and she wasn’t at all sure she understood what was going on.
“Is it something I’ve done?” asked Angie, realising that Val wasn’t at all chirpy and happy after what to her had felt like setting a nuclear bomb off inside the pair of them – er, sex-wise that is.
“No.” she said, looking at Angie with distant eyes. “Nothing you’ve done. I don’t know I just feel a little out of sorts.” said Val. Angie had the feeling that this wasn’t exactly right, but let it go at that.
Val’s memory of the visit to her mum was sketchy at best, well, not all of it; it just seemed to get to a point around tea-time and then it got a bit foggy. She couldn’t even remember leaving. Okay, by the time she got home, she knew that she’d enjoyed her time with her mum, but details?
As hard as she tried, they just seemed to elude her.
Back at home Val was having trouble being comfortable in her own skin. The whole day’s events seemed to have thrown her a curve-ball and her head seemed to be on another planet. Memories of her and Angie were a little cloudy and some of the things she brought to mind just didn’t fit. Some of the things that she remembered doing couldn’t possibly have happened the way her head was telling her and it all got a bit much.
“That went well.” beamed Angie, her good humour irritating Val, who just ‘harrumphed’.
“What’s the matter?”
Val didn’t know what to say. Suddenly she was very uncomfortable with the thought that she was gay, a lesbian. Why she should be this way after what she knew was such a long time – fifteen years or so – was absurd… Wasn’t it?
“Nothing!” Val almost shouted, going upstairs and throwing herself on the bed, frustrated at the fact that she couldn’t understand what was happening to her, to them. The memory of the morning’s um, fairly enjoyable, no – very enjoyable session returned and made matters worse.
If there’s one thing that is bound to make things awkward, it’s deriving pleasure from something that ordinarily one would find repugnant and this is just how she felt about the idea of sex with another woman. Yet making love to Angie felt, well, good. Boy did it feel good and if that was the case, why did she feel so bad about it all?
Sunday came and went with a cloud hanging like the hangman’s noose over both of them. They were like two like poles of two magnets, if either got too close to the other, they would move away. Each time Angie wanted to say something, she only had to look at Val’s face to know it wasn’t a good idea.
By the time it came time to go to bed, neither had spoken more than half a dozen words to one another and bedtime itself was a joke. The space between them was big enough to drive a couple of double-decker buses through.
When Angie awoke on Monday morning, Val was snuggled in, spooned against her. She didn’t dare move and even found herself holding her breath until she was almost blue so as not to waken Val and break the spell, the closeness, the warmth – something that Angie felt had been most unfortunately taken away yesterday.
Angie just knew that what had happened to her was what was on Val’s mind – even if she didn’t know it. It occurred to her that things must seem different to Val, regardless of the spell. They had been intimate for too long not to know when things weren’t right. It was then she decided that whatever the cost, she had to end this charade as quickly as she could – whatever the cost.
Chapter 3
Work was going to have to take a back seat at least for a while, or until this all got sorted out anyway. If the trouble that Val had been experiencing was any indication, work was likely to be even worse.
She phoned up and asked to speak to the floor manager.
“It’s Angie.” she said, waiting to hear a “who?” on the other end of the line, but instead, she heard a muffled “oh shit, not her too…”
“Don’t tell me you’ve got it too?” The idea that many of the folk at work had been changed from male to female or vice-versa, nearly made Angie fall off her seat, but Robert, the manager, qualified his fears. “Half the bloody factory is off today. I can’t do without you too.”
“I’m sorry Rob, but it’s women’s trouble for me.” She wasn’t lying; she’d just bent the truth somewhat.
“Women’s troubles?”
“I can spell it out for you if you’d like…” she said innocently. There was a short pause, during which time, the sound of a small coin dropping could almost be heard.
“Er, I don’t think that’s necessary, thank you. How long do you think you’ll be away?”
“Not sure. Not long I hope. I feel as though…”
“Just get back as soon as you can, okay?” said Rob, cutting Angie short before she got too graphic, ending by wishing her well and she heard the word “Fuck!” probably exclaimed followed by several exclamation marks, not just one as he put the phone down.
Next on the list of to do jobs – see Lynn…
I’ve been expecting you.” said Lynn. “Perhaps not this soon, but I was expecting you.”
“I hoped you might be.” said Angie, stepping over the threshold and walking straight into the kitchen. “I hope I’m not disturbing.”
“Your predicament: yes. You? No.”
“I am glad. I’m worried about Val.”
“She’s not taking this well I assume.”
“No. I was told that there was a spell cast to stop people concerning themselves with who I have become, but I’m sure that’s not working on Val.”
“She knows?”
“No, but she will.”
“You’re not going to tell her?”
“Lynn, I’m worried, really worried. In all the years that we’ve been together, I’ve never seen her like this. Yesterday is one I’d rather forget. We hardly spoke and she seems, well, really ‘out there’. I just know it’s all this that’s causing it.” She stood up and gestured down her body, sitting down heavily onto the chair.
Lynn rubbed her chin thoughtfully.
“Have you two had sex since you changed?” she asked. Angie blushed, the glow almost dazzling.
“We-ell…”
“Yes or no?”
“Yes.”
“Did Val enjoy it?”
“I should think so. She shouted ‘Yippee kiyay motherf…’ I mean um, yes.” said Angie, her voice trailing off into something barely audible as the colour rose like a fog on her cheeks, unable to look Lynn in the eye.
“And you think all this with her started after that?” said Lynn, trying to stifle a laugh after Angie showed her discomfort.
“Absolutely! I had a shower, went downstairs and she was as she put it, ‘out of sorts’. Since then, it’s been difficult to get more than two words out of her, but I’m going to put that right.”
“You are? How?”
“I’m going to tell her what’s happened, that’s how.” said Angie, bashing the table with her balled fist. “That way, if she thinks it’s her that’s the problem, she’ll know it wasn’t.”
“You can’t do that.” said Lynn. “She’s not supposed to know for a reason.”
“And that is?”
“Well, it’s for your protection. It er, means that she will accept you the way you are and it may affect the magic.”
“But that’s not working is it?”
“Apparently not.” Lynn conceded.
“Although it’s not my doing, it’s me that’s causing the trouble and me that can put it right. I love her too much to see her suffer anymore. If I stand the chance of losing her, it won’t be because of some foolish bloody fairy Godfather getting everything all to cock.”
“Fairy Godfather?”
“Yeah, or at least, that’s what they called themselves.”
“More than one?”
“Two of them.” said Angie. “All that popping in and out of the bathroom unannounced… It was most embarrassing.”
“I see…” said Lynn. “Can you hold off telling Val until tomorrow?”
“I think so. What are you going to do?”
“Just you leave that to me. I’ll get this sorted out.” said Lynn. There was a look of grim determination on her face and Angie could see at once that it wasn’t a good idea to mess with a woman on a mission.
Tomorrow it was then.
The next day, Val had woken up and found Angie spooned against her. It was as if Angie had lit the blue touch paper and Val went absolutely mental.
“Get off me… Stay on your own side… Don’t touch me.” It was all Angie could do not to break down there and then. Val in the meantime had grabbed her clothes and thundered out of the bedroom, muttering and grumbling.
Angie was about to run after her, throwing the duvet back, but stopped in her tracks, sat naked on the bed, tears rolling down her face, barely able to believe that Val, her best friend, her lover and soul-mate, had just been so nasty. It was most unlike her.
What made things worse was there was no goodbye, no sharing a cuppa before she went and the first Angie knew that Val had left was the sound of the front door as it was closed and none to quietly at that. Angie was straight onto the phone to speak to Lynn, but there was no reply and she sat at the table, alone in the kitchen just worried to death that the whole thing had gone tits-up so to speak and there was nothing she could do about it.
Lynn was angry after Angie had left. It wasn’t so much that the spells had gone awry, but that they had gone awry around her daughter. Anyone else, it would just have been a case of “there, there” and other soothing sounds to help the poor unfortunate person get used to things the way they were going to be from now on.
It wasn’t like there weren’t mistakes. After all, all fairy Godmothers and Godfathers for that matter have training to go through. None of them automatically know how to do stuff, like the vampires in Buffy seem to. One minute they’re ordinary folk then they become vampires and suddenly they know karate and kung fu. Being a fairy Godmother, or Godfather for that matter takes time, patience and practice – lots of practice.
No, the mistakes she could handle, but not when it involved her daughter.
Don was in his office, sweat beading on his brow.
“Why does she have to come today? Why at all and so damned early too” he said, wringing his hands on the desk in front of him.
“Your boys screwed up, that’s why.” said Lynn, having entered the office silently.
“Oh God, you’re here!” said Don almost jumping off his seat.
“I most certainly am.” said Lynn sitting primly on a chair in front of Don’s desk.
“How did you know?” he asked then his forehead wrinkled. “Er, just which screw-up are we talking about?”
“The subtle change of sex? That poor lad is my daughter’s fiancé, that’s which.” she said calmly and matter-of-factly.
“You mean…?”
“I do.”
“Oh shit!”
“Shit indeed.” said Lynn solemnly.
“You’re going to have to put this right double quick.” said Lynn, her expression dangerous to say the least. Don seemed to think so anyway and slid his chair back a ways, mopping his brow again.
“We told him it would take a couple of months.” said Don.
“Poppycock!” said Lynn. “You know as well as I do that if he stays in that body for too long, it will start to take over. He will lose his masculinity as his brain readjusts to the new environment. If you wait that long, all that he was will be lost and even changing him back won’t bring him back, it’ll bring something or rather someone who might look like him, but it won’t be him. You get this sorted out before my daughter decides to do something stupid and I have to come and do something equally stupid to you.”
She leant across the desk menacingly. “I can still do that you know.” Don’s eyes went wide with fright and Lynn wasn’t required to elucidate.
“Yes, yes… of course. Right away.” he muttered, flustered and beginning a whole new chapter on worry.
“I’m glad we understand one another. It’s been nice talking to you, Don. Good day.” she said urbanely and Don became even more flustered, knowing full well that if she wanted to, she could turn him into a toadstool or something even less attractive.
Cedric and Stephen stood before Don’s desk within moments of Lynn’s exit.
“Now listen you two. You both screwed up and unless you want to be replacing the teeth of snot-nosed whiny kids with money for the rest of eternity or worse, I suggest you listen and listen good.” said Don with as much malice as he could muster. “That guy you changed is the fiancé of the daughter of Lynneth Alleyn.”
“Not the Lynneth Alleyn surely?” said Stephen, his face going whiter than hospital sheets and his eyes bulging.
“The very same.”
“Oh dear.”
“Who’s Lynneth Alleyn?” asked Cedric. Both Don and Stephen looked at the little man, mouths open, incredulous. The fact that Cedric had no idea who the woman was prompted name-calling that is not normally heard in polite company.
“Lynneth Alleyn was only the fairy Godmother to Cinderella.” said Stephen (but only after he and Don had finished calling him those other names).
“I thought she was a myth.”
“She’s very real.” said Don, sitting behind his desk. “And even though she’s retired from the game now, she still carries a lot of weight round these parts, not to mention the magical abilities.”
“I didn’t think she would still have any of that.” said Stephen. “I would have thought she’d have relinquished that upon her retirement.”
“Tell you what,” said Don brightly. “Why don’t you test her out?” The skinny man flinched and lost what small amount of colour he had regained since learning of Val’s mum’s real identity.
“You’re going to have to undo what you did.” said Don.
“But what are we supposed to do? It hasn’t even been a full week, let alone the two months.”
“You’re going to put it all right is what you’re going to do.”
Stephen sucked through his teeth. “That’s complicated even for you, Don. I certainly wouldn’t attempt it and I wouldn’t even give Cedric here the responsibility of posting a letter, let alone something like that.” Cedric was about to say something but thought better of it.
“Well it’s time you got something right. I want this mess cleared up as soon as possible otherwise Lynneth is going to things to me I would rather not contemplate. If that happens, I can’t even hint at what will happen to you two.”
They left his office and once again, Don was wiping his brow.
“He wouldn’t really do anything like that would he?” asked Cedric, for the first time actually having some kind of idea of exactly what kind of crap they were in.
“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t like to put it to the test.” said Stephen, the colour only just starting to return to his ashen face.
Angie sat at home twiddling her thumbs, for want of anything better to do. She’d tried and failed doing anything even as simple as the washing-up, breaking a plate and sploshing water all over the kitchen floor. If that wasn’t bad enough, she slipped in the wetness trying to mop it up.
It was disastrous.
She put the kettle on without water in it then filled the room with steam when she realised what she’d done. It was a litany of trauma. She’d put a tea-bag into the cup as well as coffee, spilt that and finally settled for thumb-twiddling. It was the safest bet.
She was waiting for something to happen with regards Lynn and as the time ticked by, she was beginning to wonder whether Lynn had managed to get anywhere.
The phone rang and she dropped that, trying to pick it up whilst still twiddling thumbs and got all flustered.
“Calm down, Angie. It will be alright.”
“You’ve managed to sort it out?” she asked incredulously. “How?”
“Never mind that. I’ve spoken to someone and he has assured me that it will all be sorted.”
“He’s not sending those two buffoons round that caused this is he?”
“I take it you don’t trust them?”
“Not exactly, no.”
“I’ll be round shortly.” she said and the phone went dead.
Shortly turned out to be much sooner than Angie thought, for no sooner had she put the phone down, the door bell rang and standing on the doorstep was Lynn.
“By Christ, you don’t hang about do you?” said Angie, eyes wide.
“I didn’t want to let this get out of hand.”
“Come in. I’d make tea, but I’m not sure I can.” said Angie closing the door behind Lynn and following her into their kitchen.
Lynn made herself even more useful and filled the kettle, setting it down and switching it on.
They had just settled with the tea, when there was a ‘poof’ and out of the cloud of smoke stepped Stephen. This was followed only a heartbeat later by the obligatory ‘phut!’ about four feet from the floor and out of that dropped Cedric, upside down.
“Oh bugger!” he cried, rubbing a sizeable bump on his head. “Oh.”
“I warned you about him.” said Angie, grinning broadly.
Stephen looked up from his clipboard to see that not only was Angie present, but so was another, older woman; one who Cedric was looking intently at.
“Ah.” he said. “I thought you were here alone.”
“I was, but then Lynn came round.” Stephen’s face blanched.
“Ah.” he said again as Lynn looked at him, one eyebrow arching dangerously. “You must be…”
“Yes, I’m Val’s mother.” she interjected quickly, surreptitiously pointing at Angie from under the table.
“Yes, yes of course.” said Stephen, clapping his hand over Cedric’s mouth before he put his purple foot in it.
“Don’t mind me.” she said. “I’m just here to keep Angie company.”
Angie smiled at her mother-in-law, reaching out to take her hand in thanks. The sentence though, as innocent as it may have been in Angie’s eyes, meant a whole heap of other things to Stephen and could almost be seen creating a centre parting as it went just over Cedric’s head.
“I, er, um. I, er, that is we, er, um.” spluttered Stephen, who hadn’t regained his normal complexion after realising who the other person in the room was. “I need to make a quick call.”
“You know this might not go perfectly well, don’t you?” said Lynn. “They were right about letting the magic settle.”
“I know, but the way things are at the moment, I don’t think I can take the chance on leaving it for a whole two months.”
“I know. I just wanted to make sure you were sure about what you are asking here.”
“Whatever the cost. I have to make sure I try everything I can to make sure that I make things right for Val.” Lynn gave Angie’s hand a squeeze and smiled. That made Angie feel a great deal less apprehensive, despite knowing that the change that happened today may not be what she was hoping or expecting.
There was another ring on the door bell and Angie went to answer it. Standing on the doorstep, was a man Angie had never seen before.
“Ah!” he said brightly. “You must be Angie.”
“Er, yes. How did you know?” she asked.
“I’m Stephen’s boss, Don.”
There was now quite a gathering in the small kitchen and Cedric had been told to sit down and not touch anything. Don kept a safe (or what he considered safe, given the kitchen’s limited dimensions) distance from Lynn, who eyed him like a cat would a mouse. It looked as though it was down to Stephen.
It was all about to go off when there came a noise from the front door. Val came into the house and all in the kitchen were almost holding their collective breaths as Val slammed the door shut, threw her bags down, followed by her coat and stomped towards the kitchen.
Quick as a flash, Lynn was up and out of the door, to head her off at the pass, er sorry, wrong story – to head her off in the hall.
“Would you mind waiting just a few moments, gentlemen?” she said.
There was the sound of muffled voices from behind the door to the hallway and then…
“WHAT?!!” screamed Val. “They did what?”
“It was a mistake darling.” said Lynn, but failed to stop her daughter from bursting into the kitchen like Arnold Schwarzenegger with an Uzi nine millimetre.
The sight that greeted her was a somewhat shocked Angie, still sat or half sat at the table, while around the other side, cowering, were Don, Cedric and Stephen.
“Get out from down there. What have you done?”
The explanations came tumbling out as the three men looked anywhere but at Val, whose eyes were burning. Lynn stood behind her in the doorway, but it was not difficult to see that she was now puffed up with a certain amount of pride for her daughter.
Val turned to Angie, who wasn’t exactly feeling comfortable at that moment, but had at least, sat back down and was also somewhat proud of her girlfriend as she tore into the three men stood shuffling uncomfortably on the other side of the table.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked.
“I couldn’t. It may have upset everything they’d put in place.” said Angie, now realising that it wasn’t the best of plans to follow.
“I see.” said Val.
“I don’t know that you do. The last thing I wanted was for you to be upset by all of this. I mean I woke up and ‘poof’ there I was, or there I am… Anyway, the spell was supposed to stop anyone from asking questions, to just accept me like I am, but it didn’t work on you.”
“That’s my girl.” muttered Lynn, smiling openly now.
“What was that mother? You knew too?”
“Not until afterwards. I must confess to having told Gary not to tell you as well.”
“I don’t believe this!” said Val, a distinct note of anger in her voice. “Anyway, what are you all doing here?”
“We were about to try turning Angie back into Gary.” said Don, standing slightly behind Stephen and Cedric and holding them in place before they had any ideas about standing behind him.
“I see.” said Val. “You’d better get on with it then.”
“Are you sure you want to go ahead with this now?” said Stephen, knowing what the ramifications were.
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“It may not work properly.” said Stephen.
“Yes of course I do, hasn’t Val been through enough already?”
“May not work?” said Val to Lynn. Stephen started to raise his hand, muttering something under his breath, his eyes closed in concentration.
“It might go wrong.” said Lynn.
Stephen’s hand rose, his muttering increasing.
“How wrong?” asked Val.
“We don’t know. He was supposed to wait for two months, but it became apparent that the two of you might not last that long, so he decided to try and put things right despite the obvious dangers involved.
“He what?” exclaimed Val, just as Stephen let rip.
ZAPPPPPPPP!!
In a blur, Val threw herself between Stephen and Angie and the cloud of smoke that ensued obscured the couple, but when it had, four people – Don, Cedric, Stephen and Lynn were all peering down at Val and Angie.
Frantically fanning the pungent-smelling smoke away, the image slowly cleared and Angie had not changed at all. Val could be seen face down, lying across Angie’s knees.
“Oh shit.” said Don.
“Crap!” said Stephen.
“What?” said Cedric.
“Oh dear.” said Lynn as Val lifted her head, feeling slightly woozy.
It had been just under ten months since that fateful day and Lynn was sitting in her kitchen when there was a knock on the door.
“How’s my favourite couple?” she asked smiling and kissing each of them on the cheek as they filed past.
“We’re fine thank you. We thought you might like to say hello to your grandson. We’re sorry you couldn’t have been there, but he’s doing well.”
Angie handed over a tiny bundle wrapped in an equally tiny blanket.
“Not bad for a mistake, eh?” asked Lynn.
“Well how were we to know that the magic would make things that complete?” asked Vince, who used to be Val.
“Do you know, I’ve been plotting a way of getting back at those three clowns, but now I don’t think I should. If I’d have waited for Val to give me a grandchild, I think I’d have died waiting in vain. Thank you Angie.”
“It’s funny you should say that, but I don’t think as Gary I would have wanted it either, but somehow Angie found the whole thing rather er, fulfilling – if not a little painful.”
“What about you Vince?”
“I wouldn’t change this for the world. Can you stand losing a daughter and gaining a son?”
Lynn said nothing. She silently walked to her new son and hugged him tightly; a single tear ran down her cheek as she smiled.
The end - of the beginning.
