Move on
Move on.
From: [email protected]
To [email protected]
Subject: Hello
Hello Ian.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: re hello
Hello, who ever you are?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None
Don’t you know me?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None
No, that’s why I asked?
Hang on, your not Mary are you?
We met at Andrew’s party last week, you said you were writing a novel, a fantasy novel, you were really getting into it, I was hooked and I aren’t just saying that.
How are you getting on with it?
P.S. Why are you calling me Ian?
From:[email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Mary?
No I’m not Mary, although she sounds really…umm…interesting.
P.S. Because Ian is your name.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: re Mary?
Yes you are aren’t you?
Andrew told me you were always messing about; well he didn’t exactly say those words.
Tell me more about the novel, you were up to the halfway point, by the way, where did you get to, the last thing I remember you were going to the kitchen for more drinks and you didn’t come back. I don’t think I was that pissed to miss you, although I did end up sleeping on a mates couch and can’t remember how I got there.
I didn’t say anything stupid did I?
P.S. Well Ian is my name, but I go by the name of Chris, it was my parents fault they named me Christopher, Philip, Ian and they always used the last name first, of course when I was as student here all the lecturers called me Chris and it stuck.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Not Mary.
No sorry I’m not Mary and I don’t have any idea about her novel.
You will always be Ian to me.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Who are you?
Ok Al, come on, you had me going for a little bit there. Who put you up to this?
Don’t tell me it was Andrew? He did seem a bit odd when I was talking to Mary. He doesn’t fancy her does he? He hasn’t said anything to me.
Do you have her number she did give it to me but I lost the bloody thing in the wash. I wouldn’t mind seeing her again.
P.S. Still don’t understand how you knew about my name?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: MaryAndrewAl
I don’t know who these people are Ian, and I should know your name I gave it to you.
It was your father who put it the wrong way around.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: This is not funny
Now you’re pissing me off Al, I don’t think this is fucking funny!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Don’t swear.
Stop swearing Ian, how many times I have to tell you.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject; I’m going to kill you.
Al I’m going to fucking kill you!
How the hell do you know my first name is Ian, although I might have said it pissed up one night!
You’ve never asked me about my other names!
And how could you do this after what I told you about mum?
I’m am really fucking, shit, piss, bastard, angry!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: STOP SWEARING!
Ian now stop this! How old are you? I’m your mother, what is wrong with you?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Are you sulking?
Are you sulking with me Ian?
At forty one years of age you are going to sulk with your mother? Grow up! It’s been Three days now, there is no point trying to ignore me Ian.
God you remind me of your father sometimes.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None
I can’t believe your doing this Al! It’s not funny. After I told you how she died, your doing this to me, what is wrong with you!
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None.
It is me Ian.
I know this is a shock and please don’t ask me how this is happening I don’t know. I can prove it’s me.
Remember after Dad passed away you got the old roll of film and the cine 8 done. The pictures were of me and your dad on Newgale beach, two weeks after we got married. I told you that, remember? And there was a picture of the wedding cake, but it didn’t come out properly.
You had the cine 8 transferred to video and on it your dad is cutting down a tree and your brother is playing with Paul and you are only 7 months old and in your pram and I told you that you were a happy baby.
It is me Ian.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None
Don’t be frightened Ian, I know this is hard for you to believe but nobody else knows about those things, I have been watching you and you didn’t tell anybody, even Sarah, you should not of left her.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Mary?
If you’ve been watching me, then why didn’t you know who Al and Mary are?
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject; Silly
Now you re just being silly Ian! Of course I know who they are!
You really are like your father sometimes, by the way he has been watching over you as well, although your brother takes most of his attention.
You have been good to your brother even though sometimes he does not deserve it. Alan is growing, he is such a beautiful boy, I didn’t think he and Alison would of had a child, I wish I’d had more time with him and your father wishes he could of met him, breaks his heart every time he sees Alan., breaks mine as well.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: If this is true?
If you are my mother, as you claim, why are you doing this after Five years?
I don’t understand.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: Yes you do.
You know why I am contacting you Ian. There is so much sadness in you, so much loneliness. You can’t be angry at Sarah for not understanding, she did what she could but sometimes Ian you shut yourself off. I was always proud of your imagination; you used to make me laugh talking to yourself and living in your own little world when you were small. Remember the time you were down the bathroom, you must have been only five or six and me and your father listened outside the bathroom door and you were moaning to yourself, we had told you to go to bed but you wanted to watch that Western with Clint Eastwood, I blame your father he was always watching those things, all bloody noise and music, got on my nerves.
I knew then you were going to live inside your head and you did, all those stories, the poems, you never carried on the poems, they were nice, but then what do I know. You lived in your head when your father died, you didn’t cry did you, just kept it all locked in. I blame myself though, you tried to cry that afternoon at the kitchen table and I wouldn’t let you, remember you rushed out to the garage, I heard you slamming things and that hurt me more than anything, you were so upset.
I should of found the body not you, that was to much but I was scared, I knew it was only a matter of time and I couldn’t face taking him a cup of tea in the mornings towards the end, I felt bad enough for putting him in the spare room, he’s forgiven me, he wasn’t upset by it, well you know your father, but it was just to much for me at the time.
I knew when I passed over you would be the same and I knew it would cause you and Sarah to split up, you shouldn’t of been like that Ian. Your brother had Alison, you had Sarah and you just wouldn’t let her in would you. I always thought you would be the settled one, your brother was so wild when he was younger and when he joined the army and went off to those horrible places with that secret thing, I know what it was he thought I didn’t but I knew, then I thought he would get worse and he would be so, so alone. But its you Ian, you’re so lonely and it hurts me, hurts me more than anything. You’re my son and I love you, something I should have told you when I was alive.
You couldn’t of done anything to help me, when I asked the doctor to come out in January I knew it was the beginning of the end, don’t you think I could see myself on the video you took? The doctor was nice, but she knew that I knew and yes I did put the money away for my funeral because I forgot about the life insurance, something else you gave to your brother. You had to go back Ian, you have your life in Aberystwyth, although I wish you had taken that job with the university, but I suppose you know what you are doing. If you’d stayed with me all week Ian it would not of made any difference, it was my time and that was all there is to it.
Stop living in your head Ian, stop trying to hide things, this Mary and yes I know who she is, seems nice, she is different from Sarah, perhaps with her writing she could be perfect for you, both with vivid imaginations, I don’t know.
There’s no more to tell you Ian, this is my last email.
Who would have thought I could mastered this; I remember you used to get annoyed because I had difficulty understanding four TV channels. I see you have mastered it as well, stay away from those sites though, I think that’s what they are called, and they are not good for you Ian and remember I am watching over you.
From [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subject: None.
Al sent me Mary’s phone number and after this email I am going to call her. Sorry about those sites on the internet, but sometimes I get lonely, perhaps not anymore.
Goodbye mum.
