it's a strange world because as your growing up and everything is happening around you.You don't realize that even the smallest thing is having an influence around you..I am still afraid to this day but still many questions i have never got answered.Like what am i suupposed to be when i'm an adult ? or what happens to you when you do drugs? or will you ever find a girl and get married?
Eveything is a test .people tell me "you choose the road you lead in life?bullshit i did everything my teachers said in school and what happened to me .i'm stuck working at doing odd jobs for people just to make money to survive..What about this god always loves you no matter what you
.then you tell me why is their a hell..I love god very much but why did he take my mother when she was young.It screwed up my family big time without my mother in are family circle everything fell apart...She was the only person in my life that understood the true me..You tell me this i know all of you had many girlfriend's isn't it bullshit time and time again to meet new people.Becasue your so afraid to do something wrong around that person that you start acting fake..That's when
the shit hits the fan.I always acted myself but i always got let down by people becasue they told me i was slow and sometimes even strange.thoses people never got to know the real me.
So people have this problem they ramble on about something and all of a sudden they start to talk about something compltely different..It happens but people should judege the real you .
Y ou get judged in high school about what kind of people you hang out with.or what kind of hair style you have ? or what kind of music you listen too.believe me it doesn't end.It happens all over the world even when your an adult.What about when your in college an you get laughed at when people make fun at you for what college coarses your taking .Or what kind of clubs your in..better yet what about if your trying to get in a fraternity they make you feel like your a piece
of meat..Wouldn't you feel really low if you didn't make the cut as a member of a fraternity.
At the worst times in your life everybody knows that when all the bad shit happens to you..I did
love before but the girl that i was with was way to in love with me.I couldn't breathe
becasue she very much tried to take over my life .When i did get the balls to break up with her
she had the nerve to make all her friend harress me and she was a college taking classes to be an
accounting..I guess i really did hurt her but isn't it good i did it know then wait till we where married and what if we gor divorced .get the point.I know so many people don't have the answers
and some keep wondering all their life "did i do the right thing could i have done it difertely .But really you never find out everything.You go through sometimes in a cloud not taking chances
and letting the world slip right by you..Remenber this .What about in school when you all are studying for a big exam and the teachers tell you your first guess is probably the right answer
Then what happens you flunk the test.YOU Got to do what you feels is right not what other people are telling you to do.You think if somebody told me to jump off a bridge i would.
Your fucking nuts i would tell them to jump first and i would follow hehehehehhe.If you actually belive i guess your nuts too.What about when your in school and teachers see a fight and some of
let the fight go on until someone ends going to the hospital.The teachers should be the one in the
hospital..When i went to rahway i had a a whole gym class jump me becasue a black kid didn't like me.and what did that teacker do .I'll tell you what he did he opened his door to his office and shut the door and let me just suffer while people where kicking the shit out of me.And the nerve of the counselor when she talked to me.N ot to be racist but the black counselor after i was jumped told my mother that i needed help .My mother almost laid that counselor out.I hated high school do you blame me.? My sister maria was the only one besides my mother that watched my back in school.And i made it but a year after i graduated that school got so bad a security team had to be put in the school to watch those psycho kids..You all know it's a relief when you finally realize that your graduating but it totally freaks you out becasue the real world is going to happen
your niot shut up in a small high school anymore .After you graduate your actually going on the way to be alone.In college you sit in a classroom of more then 50 kids just trying to copy what the professers are writing on the huge chalkboard.and a lot of those teachers could care less about
what happens to you.They are just their to make money.Sometimes you might meet a teacher that actually cares enough about you to help you out.But that rarely happens..Everybody knows about telemarketers how many times they call you and how many times you tell them the same thing
i'm not interested.How the fuck do they get your number is is luck or is it somebody feeding them a list...I think so becasue whenever you order something over the internet or even by mail.People are able to get your home address even your number.What all the company that tell you "your a winner of prizes catch"you have to come on one of are fablous trips to claim your prize.
or the biggest scam on the market publishers clearing house sweepstakes come on you actually
belive your going to be the next 10,0000 winner.Or what about the countless dollors you spend trying to win the lottery.I feel that's a waste of good money .What if you never win the lottery count it folks how much have you spent?
What about the government trying to raise prices of cigarettes thinking that if they raise the prices
young people will quit.Did it actually work no.dweeds.The government likes to waste the american people's money..Look at what happened this past election the better man was gore and bush got the presedenty.That rule should finally be abolished about electorial votes.The better man was gore he should be in office right know.We din't need another bush in office.One thing i'm going to say
is that president clinton should not have gone on trail for what he did with that intern .
becasue that is his business and nobody i mean nobody had the right to invade his privacy.
What about the vietnam war what happens a million or more soldiers died and what did we prove
a year after the war vietnam was again taking over by it's enemy.So many people dies but what did the government care more money in their pockets a war would help the economy.If you think about it nothing in this world is ever going to change like theri is still racism in the world .Their is still
jewish people getting killed .Their is still a kluk knuk clan...And their are so many people in this world that are dieing each day but drive by..One of my friend had the nerve to tell me if you look at a pack of marlbora it spells out kkk..If that's true why would the government agree to it.
What about this story that i heard about a drug out their for aids that actually works but only the rich people can get their hands on it.That is bullshit becasue if that was the case the whole world
would be safe.If you ask me it's just a way to control the population.The world spends all that money on ways to help us but does it.You eventually die becasue they cannot stop the spread of
aids .They can only control it for a short period of time.What happens to you if you have the disease people start treating you different like your not even arounnd.Ryan whire is one of the people i will never forget.I never met him but he loved everybody the same each day and his mother loved him with every part of her heart .he was her baby until the horrible day when he passed on.At least he will be at peace.My friend who loved the army guess what
he is dying of a brain disease becasue when he was at war a they gave everybody a shot of something that they really didn't test and he was one of their victims..Do me a favor you have a chance .don't sign up fpr the army it will be the worst thing you can do.If you sign that paper they own you for as long as they want..You think it's cool to join bnecasue you get to travel when you are done with basic training.They break you down in basic training and bring you up to where they want you to be.Some people can't handle the pressure and go nuts.I seen that happen
to a few of my aunt's brothers and many of my friend's.I't;s not worth it if you where married and your wife gets a piece of paper saying you died.Yuo would never see your wife again including if you had kids.Let's get off that subject and talk about something that i guess been bothering me for some time.I have this friend of mine that is good friends with me.but lately i've been thinking about her more and more.but i know how she feels about me.she loves me just as a friend.Doesn't that suck.why can't people feel the same way about you.I t's hard sometimes becasue i never told this perosn how i really feel .I never went out with this person before as a date but i could see this perosn in my future in my mind..I see this person in dreams that i have but what does that prove
in real life that girl would never even just try to develop something with me.And it hurts becasuie
my heart wants her to love me more then just a friend.She is beutiful and has brains and i would love just to try to kiss her..I rwally don't think i could feel the same way about anyone except for her when she is around my heart feels so much love that i want to show her.But i know in reality i can't show her becasue i know she would just push me to the side and tell me she just thinks
we should be friends..I know some people always get tjat.So i hope everybody looks at what i'm saying and uses some of the advice i'm writing by all