The Pain of Losing
The light seemed to leave the sky overhead as it left his eyes. At first, everything just seemed to become bleak and silent as she sat along the pavement, staring at his glazed-over eyes.
Her heart, lungs, even logical thought seemed to be nonexistent in the silence around her. And just as she realized that he was gone for good, she felt something on her heart release its grip. Sound returned as she hugged his body close to hers and tears fell profusely from her eyes.
Though she knew that he wasn't with her anymore, she tried desperately to bring him back. Anything would've worked; a sound, a punch, a hug, anything. But all she could do was keep his body close; no sound seeming to form within her.
By now, people had stopped to look but she paid them no mind. All that existed at the moment was her and his lifeless body wrapped weakly around each other.
As she felt the pain sink lower and harder in her heart, she clutched him tighter in a way that showed her refusal to believe that he was gone. The ache of such a pain imprinting itself within her very being caused the first sound she had made to his stiffening body.
The sound had been nothing like she had heard or anything that the people around her had ever witnessed. Mixed with a wail of despair and a scream of disgust, it escaped with such an agonizing tone that it seemed to make time stop.
"No..." Her words came out hoarse as the tears still flowed from her eyes. "N-No! No, no, no, no, no, NO!" The anger, the pain, the sorrow...
All seemed to escape from her in just that inconstant repetition of denial.
"You can't go! Don't leave!" She felt hands on her shoulders as voices muttering incoherent things reached her ears. She shook them from her, just wanting them to leave her and what was left of him right there at this moment. She wanted time to stop, for everything to just disappear and leave them alone, to never be interrupted by anything except for her own, personal thoughts.
"Miss?" A person seemed to call out to her, just as she was about to shut out the world forever. "Miss?" That person placed their hand on her shoulder, never to move until she did.
"Leave us alone." The pain in her heart had implanted itself inside of her core, now grasping a hold of it while squeezing. The more time she wasted on these people, the more time she would lose with him.
"He's gone. There's nothing that you-"
"HE'S NOT GONE! HE'S NOT!" Her own yells frightened her as she reacted without even knowing of what she was doing. "HE'S RIGHT HERE, IN MY ARMS! RIGHT HERE!" She held the body closer, gazing into his pale eyes once again.
The people around seemed to have added to the depressing tension in the area. The looks on their faces either read of sympathy or disgust. She couldn't tell one from the other but couldn't care. She just wanted to read the expression on his face.
It took her a few moments to realize that she had been muttering repeatedly "right here...” over and over to no one in particular. But she couldn't seem to stop herself. There was no way to keep her mouth shut as she clutched the body overcome by rigor mortis.
"H-He is... I'm-"
"YOU'RE NOT SORRY! DON'T EVEN LIE TO ME!" The yells that escaped were without thought and she couldn't stop herself from reacting to the tiniest thing. A leaf blew past and she automatically thought someone stepped closer to her. Holding the body closer and shielding it away from the people, she saw the expressions of sorrow, pain, and disgust once again. Some women had tears while others just watched out of shock... Or was it amusement?
"Someone call 9-1-1," she faintly heard. Feeling the pain release for a second before clamping down harder and harder with each heartbeat, she cried out as she looked at his face. The tears on her face were no longer the fresh and hot ones from before... They had turned cold.
"YES... Oh God, please help him," she cried out to whoever had said such a thing. "He's hurt so horribly and I can't stand to see him this way..." Though she knew that he was gone and she would always see him this way from here on out, she told herself that it wasn't true. He was still there, just unconscious from the pain. He was waiting for help, to save him from whatever was there.
"We can't do anything," she heard an angry voice yell. "He's gone! Dead! Deceased! Worm food!"
"Peter!"
She didn't pay any attention to the wife who had finally found a way to shut up her pissed off husband. His words just echoed into the recesses of her mind. Gone! Dead! Deceased! Worm food!
She held her head in one hand and shook, trying to rid her mind of those words that seemed more blasphemous than anything she had ever heard. "NO! NO!" She felt her chest heaving from the pain that had finally ripped her core in two from squeezing so tightly, but was now picking up the pieces to cling even tighter.
She gasped from the lack of breath as she began to feel the pain overwhelm her, growing with each squeeze. She looked back at him, her eyes looking at every detail that she had cherished. The bright, energetic color of his eyes; the fairness of his skin; the look of pure sensuality on his lips; the way everything seemed to connect perfectly, let alone move so perfectly.
When she ran a hand down his cheek and felt the eerie cold, she felt herself break again. This time, though, every piece shattered into little pieces that seemed to be lost in the darkness that had occupied its space now.
Her eyes met his, remembering the way that they shone whenever they were around each other; she looked at his mouth, remembering the smile that he always offered her; she looked at his chest, knowing that the heart within was the one that had accepted her for being her and the one heart that had always made her smile. The one heart that had finally belonged to her and that was happy by that fact.
She felt the tears begin anew as she buried her face into his chest one last time, sobbing out her denial. "W-Why," she whispered to him, hoping that he'd heard what she was saying. "Why did you have to leave me like this?"
She felt a firm grip take hold of her and she didn't fight back this time. Instead, she laid his body on the pavement gently. "Miss? We're going to have to get you checked out at the hospital, to see if you're alright." She nodded solemnly as her tears still fell and her body shook, the pain starting to leave through her skin slowly. "Would you mind answering some questions on your way?"
She shook her head and looked down at the body that she had let go, wishing that he would jump up and yell, "Psyche!" But truth was -and she knew it without a doubt- he wasn't going to make it a joke. He wasn't ever going to make anything a joke anymore. He'd never be able to.
She choked back the tears from pouring out even harder as she clung onto the man who had her. She didn't care for his name or face, just the support. Her body shook violently as she clutched the man's shirt desperately. "H-He's gone..."
He nodded as he awkwardly patted her on the back comfortingly. "I'm afraid so, ma'am." She felt the pain leave as the ambulance arrived and rushed to cover him with a white sheet. She felt numb if anything at all when his body was taken away.
Clinging to what she now saw was a police officer; she let the tears fall even more though she felt no sadness. "H-He's gone..."
The man nodded again and began escorting her away with soothing remarks such as, "I know. I know."
( MiramaroMartin: Okay, guys. What I really wanted to say was that, now that you've read it try to find other ways it can be applied. I didn't really mean for it to surround "Death" but if you think about it, you can see how it could be turned into other means of losing. Like a growing distance between the two or he's moving away or something.
I hope you liked it because I definitely liked writing it! )
