Routine

By: Clare P.

“Why do I love you?” Cleo whispered, as another rushed of tears escaped into the depth of her pillow. Of course there was no answer, seeing as she was alone in the small four wall bedroom. She had been like this for hours, curled up with her stuffed teddy bear Booboo on the sanctuary of her bed.

“You’ll never love me! I’m so pathetic!” She cried, releasing the sorrowful tales of uncontrollable love from her puffy red eyes. She wanted to be held a his arms like a child, and gently rocked to sleep. She wanted his soft comforting voice to be the last thing she heard at night, and the faint smile on his lips as he slept to be the first thing she saw every morning. His smile was what she lived for. When he smiled, his beautiful crystal blue eyes would light up, and shine brighter then the evening stars, and all the chaos in the world would just stop for that instant. And when he would speak to her, it would be as though god himself had personally removed the weight from her shoulders. But she could never let him know how much he meant to her, because she knew he would hurt her. She knew that he didn’t love her, but she couldn’t seem to break herself off. He had her hooked. He was so perfect, but she was so… imperfect. She was clingy and emotional, and she thought of herself as worthless crap. He was caring, but never clingy, and respected himself as a human being.

“Why?” She whispered, only to be left in silence. “I love you.” She choked out through tears.

Her heartbeat seemed to chant his name, letting it ricochet off the inside of her chest.

“I love you.” She said louder, suddenly drained of any lingering hope within her. A feeling of rage crashed over her, and she ripped off her teddy bear’s arm, throwing the rest of it at the wall.

“God damn it!” She screamed. “Why the hell do I have to suffer like this? What did I do?”

She punched her pillow with all her force, shaking the bed a bit. She screamed, releasing a demon that had been caged within her. Then Cleo thrusted her head into the beaten pillow, and cried herself to sleep, for yet another lonely night.