In the pay phone by an old abandon church I called my long last friend at eighteen ,and he was about twenty three nothing ever happened though.I stayed away noone at my age liked me or even talked;smoking a ciggerette as I talked about life and its horrible exsitance. The pain I had felt that was inflicted on me;when I was just a younger child.
The ambush of an older man hovering over me smiling with his egotistical cocky smug look on his face;wanting to fight but couldn't feeling him deep inside me as he said "our little secrete" I hated him for it but most of all I hated myself for not saying a word for being the scared little girl who trembled and did not know what to do for he was older,stronger and I hated him for having so much control.
I was powerless,filled with fear,anger, and hate;he knew he was doing was wrong and I knew it to but it felt good to have someone pay attention to me.Someone to tell me I was beautiful all I wanted to be loved and it was something I strived for.That is why now my life is so messed up,don't know how to express myself or tell this secrete of mine. Thats where jack comes in handy;my loving,wise,happy,go lucky,understanding sweet Jack. He knows every detail of my life me and him were close but could be closer. I love him,yes I admit it I love Jack Hashtinglo;blinking as I seen a familiar face gazing at me.
Hanging up the phone as Jack was on his way to get me,and now my abuser was walking toward me smiling like he always did,tears running down my eyes as he takes me just like at child hood a tear running down my cheeck as I feel him enter me with a gun by my face. Holding his hand over mine and telling me he loves me I start to cry and feel weak; I am now and forever will be torn,broken,non fixable. As I blink and feel liquid oozing out of my body I look and fall to the ground my innocene everywhere,for this time I will never see Jack that last time I yearn;for he killed me before I could end it.