Loss
Glass shatters and splinters, too many for her teary eyes to sweep away effectively, nursing her hand she picks at the shards that are now embedded in her flesh.Her fist had shatted the mirror on impact and as the realisation hit numbness and pain were flowing through her body in self chosen waves.Wrapping her hand tightly in a tshirt she stared into the remains of the mirror curious of the distorted image that was reflected back at her.
He'd left her!The only words she had in her mind were,'I'll never forgive you if you got rid of it.''If you?'He hadn't even given her time to answer, he had become her judge and jury and decided she was guilty!Ironically she couldn't feel more guilty than she did.No she had't purposely or physically got rid of it but mentally she had never wanted it.She remembered the moment she found out when she was pregnant, that specific moment when her whole seventeen years of childhood freedom had come crashing to a halt, leaving her with a chasm of terror and a whirl of dysfunction and fear.
Tears had never stopped falling and fear was her only companion, from a religious background she was between a rock and a hard place, with no support in the big city and unable to know who to turn to.A stranger had stopped her seeing her uncontrollable agony and distress, she shouted in desperation,'You can't help me!'and ran not knowing if he or anyone could be her friend right now.Her lover had told her she was a woman now and should stop being a baby.but in no way did she feel that she was a woman and at this time she felt more of a child than ever.
In the quiet confines of her room her distress continued and the guilt as she prayed the whole situation would go away and prayed that it would go away and even though the distress continued she tried to work and appear as though everything was normal. Nature responded to her distress and she began to bleed instead of tears of relief the feelings just got more complicated as relief and guilt were flowing through her body and jarring at her soul. She found her way to a hospital and they put her in an empty cubicle, they were very busy that night so as the pain ebbed and flowed through her body and the body bled out she was alone.
She phoned her best friend who was miles away and eventually she arrived a little comfort and support. The nurse said she had a lucky escape and that she could always have more.Physically everything was dealt with after the operation, she met her mother for coffee the next morning and remembered her saying,'You look pale are you not getting enough rest?'Mentally she was left with an empty womb and guilt!so she put on her clowns face to the rest of the world and carried on as though nothing had happened but began the long road of fighting with nature and fighting with herself over the guilt she carried.
Over the years,'It' became a she and she grieved for her loss.
