On september 14, 2009, I lived in a small town called Okean, in the state of Arkansas. I was living with boyfriend of four years. We lived on a set of curves that where well known as the "Gentry Curves". Most towns surrounding ours where all dry and the first county to sell alcohol was only about six miles down the road. For the Gentry Curves have been known around here for takin peoples lives. There where four houses surrounding
the Gentry Curves, all where homes of Gentry's except one. Over the past thirty years some of the worsed wrecks have been on these curves. From the South side the where two sets of white crosses on the side of the road that had its own set of stories. Everyone knew that for these two crosses was a reminder of the danger on the next two sets of curves. I had only lived there for about four years. Had seen several wrecks and they had
claimed the lives of three people. For i would go the next day and see the mess on the side of the road and feel sad for those families, praying for the lord to help them and their family's sometimes not even realizing it.
For on this night September 14, 2009 my life would change in way i could have never expected. About seven thirty that evening got a phone call that there had been bad wreck and needed help. We told my two daughters to stay in the house lock the door for we would return when we could. Before we could get out of the drive, my heart was racing, hands sweaty, autimaticly praying dear lord be with them let them be ok. From our house to the scene was less the the distance of a football field, as our headlights hit the truck my heart sank to the bottom of my soul for it looked like a dump truck,(these parts are full of eighteen wheelers and dump trucks) For autimaticly knew this was bad, joey said "NO" its extended cab ford just broken at axle and looked like dump truck. Jumping out of the truck it was in joey's aunt which was standing not being able to move. Gene ran to Joey and I we need to see if we can find bodies, thier is a carseat ! Young girl named Nicole ran to me
said there is one over there dying and i can't do anything! I had a pack of cigarrettes in my hand. Throughing
them in the air as soon as i seen where she was talking about, started running i seen small man laying on his right side, right leg bending about half way and left foot stretched as if he was in running position, stomach bend slightly toward knees, arms crossed straight out infront of him, I kneeled down placing my hand on his back, "Hello sweety my name is kim, help is on the way I am going to stay with you till they get here." Softening the pressure of my hand on his back scared it could be broken, "Can you hear me" I moved over the the front of him placing my hands on his hands being able to feel both his hands, for crossed at the wrist, only could see one side of his face, I noticed his breathing for was at the rate of heart beat instead of breathing pattern, like he was gasping for air, then his left eye that i could see blinked, and sudden strength from deep with in him was trying to talk, followed by instant grown of pain, "it is ok, help is on the way, you do not have to talk to me, my name is kim, I am fanning trying to help keep these misquitos off you. I started praying out loud "Dear Lord please help him with his pain, please help him dear lord, dear lord please help keep him safe, dear lord please be with him put you hand on him help him dear lord, dear lord please be with him..........., One of the neighbors kneeling down "oh dear lord be with him, help him", at this second I just kept talkin "stay with me, don't try to talk back just listen to my voice, stay with me help is on the way, everything is going to be ok, sweety stay with me............." "ok, help is here they are coming as they set gurny on ground, i said he is not able to talk has blinked his eyes, has not moved, am i in the way?" NO, we need your help strapping him down, they placed their hands on each side of his head as they turned to put neck brace on i seen that his right eye socket was up over his nose, an instant wish of me rolling his head over sorry let him lay on that for that was probably what was hurting, everyone was looking for someone named dexter, as i looked around i seen that one shoe of the boy i was helping was near where he was, looked around and the other was about ten to twelve feet away, going to ambulance they already had him in and as i looked through the glass they where cutting his neck putting a tube in the hole they had cutt, cops still looking for boy named dexter, and out of no where in the dark this young boy comes walking up with the look of shock in his face had blood on him but no serious looking wounds, cops ran to him "who are you, are you dexter","yes" the boy said they took him to ambulance, cops said that they would have to search everywhere to see if boy had went to hide any drugs, that the boys had both been drinking and lost control of the vehicle. said that they needed to clear everyone out was going to start a search. As the ambulance drove off i felt this sudden hit off weakness confused felt like i needed to go with this boy, they found drivers license his name was Nick, I felt like I needed to be following the ambulance drivers, Joey said this was nothing that i had to just forget it, I asked him if his aunt and uncle was ok, he said ya they have seen so many wrecks that when it happens they can not go up to the bodies, for they had so many night mares that they just had to call for help and stand back.
Knocking on the door going in the house I felt such worry, praying dear lord what can i do, not being able to sit still started calling my family, if anything happens in my life that i need pray have always called my grandmother Mary she is the closet person i know to god, for i called her and asked her to pray, for as i was standing by the ambulance I heard them ask for helicopter and weather did not permit. For I knew nick was fighting for his life.
Tried to talk to Joey, he said I was being silly that I had done all I could do, "just be glad it was not a little kid, or that he was not screaming at the top of his lungs thats when its bad" I instantly shut down from him, (how could if find myself living with such a heart less man) for how could that even inter your mind.
After about ahour everyone from okean started going and looking at the left behind mess, talking and gossiping about the alcohol involved, said that the boy Dexter was driving and they had been to the liquer store earlier and was trying to beat them from closing to get more beer. They where saying that Dexter said that he told Nick to put on his seatbelt and Nick made the comment "I won't die", To me JUST gossip, for the thing on my mind is that a 21 year old child is fighting for his life, what must his mom be feeling, who is his parents, where is he from, How can i find out if he is ok? These are the questions going thru my mind, I stayed home while everyone went and looked over the scene when the cops where done.
Dear lord please be with him, THEN 8861200 entered my mind!!!!!!!!!! I thought call the er, knowing that they would probably not tell me anything, girls where in bed, joey was still gone (for if he was here he would be mad and not let me) (he was very controling like that) A lady answered Lawrence County ER how may i help you? "Yes mam, my name is Kim, I was with the young man that had the wreck tonight until the ambulance took him, I know you can not give out any information, I know his name is Nick Brown, but if you could say something would you say he ever got stable" "of course mam I can't say anything but if I could I would not say so much" I thanked her told her i just could not stop feeling like i needed to do something, she said yes mam she understood that they where going thru the exact some thing at the hospital at that very moment. For I knew this was not good. Joey kept telling me to go to sleep, getting mad so I closed my eyes acting like i was asleep, phone rang "aunt kim one of my friends has been in a wrech, Nick Brown" I explained to her that i was there with him, she said that she was up at the hospital, said that he was still alive but the hospital had done all they could, asked her to tell family that I am praying for them. "Lisa, please let me know if anything changes ok sweetie".
Joey really mad at this point "MY GOD YOU ACT LIKE YOU KNOW THAT BOY, HE IS NOTHING TO YOU, YOU ARE SOO F----- STUPID."
I just rolled over and started praying, Joey was sleeping but always layed with leg touching me and would wake if i would get up or move, I heard his phone beep, I remember thinking Lisa probably tried to call, and I felt my body start to shut down, remember thinking I must have been in shock because feeling of numb came over me, looked at the clock it said 2:36 am. Closed my eyes and found my self fallin to sleep peacefully.
The next morning Joey got up to go to the rest room, I looked at his phone waited till he shut bathroom door. Grabbed his phone opened it ONE NEW TEXT. Said from Lisa "He just past away"...2:34 am. I shut the phone, closed my eyes Dear god place peace on his family, as wipping tears away from my face "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU", Joey asked. "Nick died, right about the time i fell asleep",(for in my mind it made me feel like I was with him till the end) "Well Kim you knew he was going to die" said Joey.
The next week I went to town and got the weekly paper. For when i got home went straight to the opituaries. There it was Nick Brown 21 of walnut ridge. I quickly got the scissors and cutt it out and placed in my
bible before Joey got home. Sat thinking how crazy i was for secretly thinking of him and his family. Looking over the paper I came to an anouncment of a baby girl who's father was Nick Brown!!!
At this time my two daughters came in from school ready to go to soccer practice. I grabbed the paper and my journal book, as they got ready and headed to town, For this hit me so stronge and so personally, for my two daughters father was still living but he chooses not to be in their lives. For this has truely scared them, found my self in pray asking the lord to keep his hand on her, "Dear lord please let there be someone in her life that teaches her how much her daddy loved her, For she was less than a month old. I had to go to see my counsiler that afternoon so took girls to parents and told them would be back in about an hour to take them to soccer practice.
It was here that I got to let my true feelings out, told Mrs. Cheryl that I truely did not want to let this go, felt really stronge feelings inside, that everyone I tried to talk to just could not understand, what I was trying to say, and some seemed so heartless about it. That I knew I had never met this person before and really hard to not have even a face to see, for I remember the feeling of terror when I seen his wound and the blood but guess mentally block it out for could not remember a face just the feeling of pain, and heartfelt that came over me. Mrs. Cheyl told me that day that maybe I was not suppose to forget this or let this go. That I was not crazy for wanting to go to his funeral, that I was not crazy for feeling so much love for him and his daughter that this was a major event his last event here on earth and I spent that time with him, she said "maybe god put you there for a reason maybe god needed someone to look past the alcohol and a unjudging person that believed in god that would bring him to help Nick." "Maybe you should look at this different, and stop listening to those who can't understand what you are feeling inside." "maybe you should except that love". For this is when I started thinking about HOW I felt instead of what people said I should fell.
After picking the girls up, I explained to them that i was going to sit in the truck while they had practice, that I would not go any where just read the paper and after practice meet me at the truck.
As I sat there I grabbed my bible, took out the peice of paper I had hid, held it tight and started thinking of all the feelings I had inside my heart, grabbed my journal, and for this is the story and wonderful gift i received that day...........
This bond that I feel with you, Though I've never met you. Tthe stronge connection I feel as I have known you all your life, Though I know nothing about you. I think of you often, today I read of your death in the local paper, for I also read the birth of your baby girl. For this weighted heavy on my heart. For I have two daughters, they have grown up with out their father. Though he is still on this earth and I hope someday they will know him, I have always no matter what taught them that their father loves them. I also pray that someone in your daughters life will speak of you and keep your memory alive in her. And most of all that she
be taught how much you love her.
Not knowing why i cutt your obituary out and secretly placed in my bible. I feel so much love for you and your family. I try to talk to people about you and they just look at me like I am crazy, "did you know him", "you have to try and let this go, kim". Until today I had a good friend tell me maybe I didn't have to give you up or the love that i felt for you. She told me "Maybe it was ment to be".
I placed your obituary in my hand and started praying lord help me understand!! A soft cool sinsation came over me starting at my toes running up to the top of my head, very, very soft chill bumps placed upon my arms as the hair started to rise, i looked down and millions of little bumps, and the sinsation that just the roots of my hair was full ot static. For now i understand!!
You see my brother that monday night on the gentry curves as I kneeled praying introducing myself, asking the lord for help. I thought it was me, you, and neighbors waiting for help. For brother i was wrong our lord jesus was there, for he showed me the gift of "LOVE". Yes my brother I felt that stronge feeling that you wanted people to know that you are OK, that you met JESUS OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, That he loves you in a way you have never known before. And thru you my brother he has said "MY CHILD, FOR NICK IS NO STRANGER AT ALL, HE IS YOUR BROTHER THRU ME. I'VE TAUGHT YOU TO LOVE HIM THIS WAY. CHILD MAY YOU EXCEPT THIS GIFT OF LOVE AND CHARISH IT, DON'T BE SCARED OF IT FOR I LOVE ALL MY CHILDREN."
So, brother I have placed your obituary in my bible as I would any of my siblings. Thank you for my precious gift. May you rest well, for i look forward to meeting you again someday in HEAVEN.
YOUR LOVING SISTER,