Guilty of Love
It all begin about six years ago when I met this guy and I know he liked me and yet he just seem to be a guy that just wasn't my type and I just wasn't feeling him at all. I had been through so much in my life and dealing with a man just wasn't on the menu. I had been working two jobs trying to make ends meet but after eight years of working two jobs it seem like I was just working for nothing and still wasn't getting the bills paid. I finally realized that it was time to take a break because a sister was tired.
After eight years I took the time to do me because it was time because I had raised my child by myself and she was now of age that the load wasn't so hard to carry and could do more for herself and I didn't had to worry so much about her needing me as much. I took time to rest and relax because it was long overdue and I felt that I was for once in my life put me first for a change. I quit my job and just really relaxed and just did nothing. I guess I caught up on some most need rest and me time. I really enjoyed the time off too and yet the holidays were coming and I just really got comfortable.
At this point I came to realize that I really didn't need to work two jobs because I was spending more money than I need too and instead of working trying to make ends meet that the job was costing me more than I was making so I quit and got a life. I feel that it was a good decision that I made and don't regret at all.
After taking a six month rest I begin to get bored and in other words these women begin to feel that she needed to get out and try to reconnect with the opposite sex again to see if it was worth it. I was kind of scared because men so full of it these days and that was exactly the reason I choose to stay single for as long as I did. I was married but that didn't work either because I had a no good man that just didn't want nothing so I got rid of him and raised my child by myself with no help at all and he just was a willing party in trying to help me either.
I have not really had a good relationship in a while so at that point I felt that if I'm going to do bad at least I would be doing bad on my own and not with no one else help so I got rid of the husband and moved on. I have no regrets because even though he was sorry he did give me a beautiful baby girl which I love with all my heart and I know she is the reason why I became the strong woman I am today. I know that bring up my child alone and doing it with no help made me feel that a man I didn't need and didn't want in my life at that time because my life was dedicated to making sure my family was provided for and take care of so I put my life on hold until she became a teenager.
Finally my child grew up and I start feeling that I needed something for me as a woman so on my birthday in 2009 I went out with my friends and had a ball. Guess what met a guy that I hadn't seen in over thirty years and after all this time he remembered me as I did him. We talked all night and just had a great time. I could feel he was trying to get to know me but this man was shy and was moving real slow but after going out and talking to him I then begin to feel that maybe trying to get involve again was a bad idea so I became more open to the subject and start talking back with the guys. I wasn't ready for the relationship but ready to meet and greet and then see where it will lead.
After my night out the same guy that had been trying to talk to me for more than five years got bold and walked up to me and said here is my number use it and told me don't you think after trying to get with you for five years should tell you that I'm interested and all you need to do is give me a chance and see what it will lead to. He also told me I gave you my number before and I know you threw it away but don't this time and use it because I definitely will respond and don't keep me waiting because I have been waiting too long.
I thought about this and I knew this guy had a girlfriend and lived with her but I also knew they were having problems too or at least I thought they were. Listening to rumors and a friend which he had been talking to my friend and telling her to get me to give him a chance. I knew he was having problems with his girlfriend but I just didn't want the drama but you know how we are when we start thinking about messing with someone else's man. We get that mentality that it was done to me and why not if he is willing to cheat then okay have fun and enjoy after all this is just fun and no expectations just pure and simple fun and see where this will lead.
I hadn't been with a man in many years so I think I got weak and fell into this mind frame to call this guy and see what is up, so I didn't call I text him and he responded with a text back. After all the texts this guy started sending pictures so in seeing the pictures I liked what I saw and I begin to really start texting more. After all the texting he called and then we started conversation on the phone everyday and every night. This went on for about a week and I was really enjoying this guy. He was sweet, nice, and cute and he had a way with words. I never thought he was like that and couldn't believe I didn't give him the chance all those years ago. Reason being told he was not my type or at least I thought. This talking went on for a while until he asked me out and yes I was feeling him and I knew that it was something about him that I was attracted too. I just loved the way he talked to me and finally he asked for a hug and I did it and I could feel that this was more than just and attraction so I hesitated to keep on talking to him.
The next week we was still talking and then he asked me to met him and go out and I said okay all in the name of fun. I met this guy and we had a great time. Little did I know we would take it to the next level but we did but we discussed this as being a one night stand and then go our separate ways because he was taken and I knew that but for the first time in my life I thought about this onetime thing and it see like something I wanted to do and I thought about it for a while and then I said okay I will do it. I was really nervous because I hadn't been with a man in so long I just felt like it was a waste of time.
The day came and we met and when I was on my way to meet this guy I decided to call him and call it off because I had never did anything like this and I just begin to feel like I was just not cut out for a one night stand. He said come on and don't let me down and I promise you it will be fun, although this man had already describe to me in great details as to what would happen which is why I decided to go along with it because I'm a curious person and just didn't believe he would do what he said. This man was true to his word and he did exactly what he said he was going to do and some. We really didn't plan to go that far but when I met up with him he put a kiss on me to die for and took my breath away and he told me I have been waiting for you for five years and I'm going to give you a night to remember.
Long story short this man did all he said and we had a ball. I was nervous at first but he calmed me down and made me feel like a real woman and the way a man should make a woman feel but I had programmed myself to think that this was one night and make the best of it and move on. We enjoyed each other and I can honestly say that if I had took this offer five years ago I would have been in a serious relationship with this guy.
We left each other and both was real please with the results but I was okay with that was just this one time. On my way home he called and he said I'm following you home to make sure you get there safely and I'm going to talk to you and tell you what I want you to know and I want you to listen before you make your decision. He told me I thought I could do this but after what we just did I can honestly tell you that I want to see you again and I don't want this to end because I enjoyed you and want to enjoy time with you again, please tell me that this is not over. I agreed to see him again because I was nervous and felt that the next time I would be more comfortable with him and I was.
We begin seeing each other allot and I found myself falling for this guy like crazy and he was just what I needed and I could see that I wanted this guy but I had to keep that feeling to myself, after all he was in a relationship and living with his girl. We started seeing each other regularly but it was a bit much and I the girlfriend started to sense something going on. Let me get to the point because once she started to sense him cheating things slowed down and got ugly between us because he decided that he wanted to be faithful and leave me alone, so I respected that and did what he asked so we stopped for a while but we ended up right back together and started seeing each other again which was the wrong thing to do because I can honestly say that I fell for this guy but he didn't for me because of his relationship. I let myself fall for someone that I will never have but because I wanted him I put up with a lot of stuff and I knew I deserved better but I settled for less.
This is a message to all single women. We as women can be strong but when it comes to a man and you feeling him we become so weak and do things that we know we don't deserve but it's all in the name of love or lust. Ladies if you going to be dealing with a man that cheats think twice because if he cheated on his girl he will do the same to you, but if you feel that you want that for yourself then you need to have your head check because you are worth more than that and deserve better than that.
