Breakfast each morning is always the same with Edward reading his newspaper and you sitting opposite dressed up and wanting him to speak and engaged you in conversation but he doesn’t he just reads and takes bites of toast or sips of coffee and even when Ellie the maid lingers looking at you or putting down a coffeepot or removing a plate you know she’s eager to say something to you but she doesn’t she just goes off in her soft footed way her black and white uniform clean and neat and her hair done nicely and as you look over at Edward his eyes still glued to the paper you wish to hell he’d just go off to the office (and his secretary whom you know he’s shafting whenever he gets the chance) so that you can begin your own day and after Ellie has done with her immediate tasks and seen Edward go off down the drive to the road his hat and coat on his briefcase in his hand you two are then alone and can give that first hold and kiss of the day and make quick plans where you can go and what to see or what you can do like yesterday's trip to the zoo but at the moment he’s still sitting there stiff and clean and mind full of stocks and shares and the money markets and the latest news from a cold world and no doubt think about the secretary bitch and you become fidgety and in between sip of coffee or nibbles of toast glance over at him or at Ellie if she enters the room again with a tray or refill of toast or bread and she looks at you and you can see in her eyes that same impatience for him to be gone and the day to begin and you gaze at her hands the nimble fingers the nails manicured by you the skin red from the washing water but which you rub with oils when you can and as she turns you look at her narrow waist how you love you wrap your arms about her and kiss her and feel her lips on yours and at the back of your mind that fear that one day he’ll come home unexpectedly and see you kissing her or find you in bed with her beneath the covers snuggling up close kissing and making love as only she knows how and you remember the first time how frightened you were and so innocent of how and what to do and yet so wanting to and needing to and even now as you sit and stare at Edward’s newspaper at his fingers holding it you can still recall that first time and not even Edward’s sexual advances in the nightly bed and his entering you can make one iota of difference to how you feel about Ellie and the lovemaking and even at Edward’s peak when he’s well on his way to spurting his semen inside you all you can think on is Ellie and her way with your body compared with his and when he reaches that moment and is all yes yes yes you pretend it’s Ellie there her hair against your cheek her lips kissing and as you think on this Edward lowers his paper and says Oh I’m out tonight got a meeting with DH and will stay at my club afterward and I may be late home tomorrow so don’t wait up for me and you say Ok Edward hope your meeting goes well and you know she’s going to be shagging the secretary full on and as Ellie enters the room her eyes bright her hands rubbing together and you both smile at the thought of another night.
