I start to cry as I watch the biggest loser. "I want that" I say out loud with nobody around.
I start to cry again. The contestants are weighing in . One woman weighs 183. That is 8 pounds less than I weigh. She looks good - but still big. Which means I look fatter. I want to work out. I want to have boot camp.
I start to cry again. I hate my body. I can't walk into a gym and work out. People would stare, mock, snicker. I hate that I care about what others think.
I harden myself again. Now is no time to cry. It's time to study. It's time to continue this dull life and live on the bare minimum.
This battle with depression is getting close to another low point. I feel it coming.