Grigori "I Am Damned!"
Benjamin J. Branham © 2003-2010
You may call me a marvel of madness or a even a beast... if you like. You do know as I sit with you that I am fully enthralled with the thoughts of sinful natures, grotesque demonic fantasies.
I have no pity for humanity. Forget what you think you know.
You are more familiar with our grand facade and we hide well the evidence of our comings and goings.
Each night we move fired and frenzied from roof top or alley way, back road or byway.
In the minds of men we are the things that linger just beyond the edge of the light. And we hide within their own shadows. Twisting reality and bending their will to us.
Moving silently through windows; blood thirsty wraiths. Opening veins vermilion rains, cascading and gushing like macabre and morbid fountains.
How horrid a sight it must be, to see us wearing their life blood, grinning through bared demonic smiles, intent to kill. Evil laughing immortals en-cloaked in blackness. Flying away into the abyss.
Making our way back to our home, our hell.
I have no soul or humanity left within this illusion of flesh.
I have no spirit. For the most part you could say I am a spirit. All be it a dark one...
I am one of the "fallen" for lack of a better word. I am not a true Grigori they are far more ancient than I.
For nine hundred and sixty six years I have been like this. Others have been here since the very beginning, of the creation of the universe and everything in it. Some may call me an unfortunate. I had humanity once and lost it through curiosity. But I have learned to love my transformation and embrace my hunger.
Human bodies are just like clay jars that contain an immortal essence. My essence is now trapped between a state of life and death simultaneously. And all it took, was old magic and the shedding of a little blood.
At one time, I was a man. A writer, scholar, craftsman and farmer. I had a wife and children. You see, this accursed existence was brought about by my folly and acceptance of unspoken practices.
The knowing of the forbidden intrigued me and haunted me. This was true from the time I was a boy, until I grew to be a man and even now in darkness I ponder those things.
I had a lust for ancient mystical objects and texts and found wonder in the devices of their dark and wondrous rituals. It happened that a tome of considerable length came into my possession. It lwas housed with in a local monastery and it had laid there for countless ages.
I would go there often to read other sacred words by candle light in those darkened catacombs. I stumbled across this book by accident. It was hid just beneath a shelf I was thumbing through. It stuck out enough for me to see a corner. I pulled it free and examined it as I cleaned the cover off . I could see that it appeared to be made out of some sort of soft pale leather and the words were written in a deep shade of red. It said "Grigori". And after reading the opening page, I hid the book among my own things and stole it from the library The preface read,
"We the down and dusty dirty with grimy, crimson stained teeth!
Take what we want, and throw the bodies on the heap!
Immortality cost a life time, but mortality is cheap!
Demons be the wolves and the destroyers of the sheep!"
Whoever or whatever had penned those lines meant what they had written, in that deep shade of red.
One night, I began reading the cryptic verses and discovered that this tome was indeed different from any other I had ever read. I had thought that this manuscript held rituals to bring forth, demonic forces to do the readers bidding. Little do I know that was my misinterpretation of the words.
Oblivious to the danger, my interest grew and grew, until I could no longer contain myself.
I decided to invoke these demons. To quench my thirst for knowledge. And in doing so, I doomed myself to more than mere possession.
I did as the ritual told me. I made the many symbols as instructed on the floor. I lit 4 candles placing each one in the direction of the 4 winds..
I also fasted for 30 days before this, only drinking consecrated water and tiny portions of holy unleavened bread. When I had everything as it was supposed to be, I spoke aloud the incantation.
It did this three times but nothing had happened. No signs or wonders. I sat on the floor and waited and still nothing happened.
Thinking that I had done something wrong; I gave up and promised to myself that I would leave well enough alone. I had no idea that I had awoken a beast and there was no way on earth or in hell that I could put it back to rest. The beast was not it's own entity but a part of me that had became detached and transfigured.
The next few nights I sat fearful and transfixed. Waiting for something unusual to happen and nothing did. My wife wanted to walk with me that evening. So I went with her into the night.
Her name in those days sweet on my lips. In my youth as a man, before I was cursed with damned immortality. She was always by my side.
I remember how beautiful she was with long brown hair, and radiant skins and soft pale features.
A prize by any standard. I loved her dearly, and she loved me. Her name was Leandra. U have never known any one that way since.
We would often walk for a little while on warm nights. To a little wooded area not far from our home and farm.
We would talk about the things that lovers speak of and sometimes made love on warm moon lit nights.
But this night was less at ease than the others. As the moon hung high above us I remember feeling cold as death. Even colder than I am now. A feeling of impending doom came over me, and I shivered to the bone.
Thinking the worst, I held tight to her hand and we walked on further into the night. We hurried to our private spot.
I laid my coat upon the ground I then I laid down upon it and welcomed her to lay beside me.
And we did as lovers do.
The brightness of the moon went behind the clouds and the clouds covered what was once an empty sky. She and I, intertwined in our passion did not notice that we were being watched.
I made love to her and we held each other for a moment. Just when I had told her that I loved her, something quickly snatched her from arms from out in the darkness.
I could hear the sound of her screaming in the woods and then it was silent again.
I hurried frantically to put on my clothes; I screamed her name into the dark. But there was nothing but quiet horrible quiet... I ran quickly back to our home, or what was once our home.
When I got there my resting children had been murdered in their sleep. Their limp lifeless bodies lay motionless on the floor.
I searched for a weapon to protect myself. I grabbed the only thing I could find a long pole I used for hauling buckets from the well.
I just stepped out of the door and something sprang upon me and knocked me to the ground.
I stood up quickly again to my feet. It stalk around me in the dim light of the moon.
It stopped and stood for a moment sniffing at me like a dog .
I yelled in its direction. I think I even called on God to remove the vile thing from my site. But it said and did nothing. I held aloft the great pole, and warned it of my intentions.
I was just about to destroy the beast when it jumped forward and again knocked me to the ground.
As it breathed hard in mu face the smell of rotting death permeated the air.
It held me fast and I tried to free myself but the more I tried, the harder it pushed me into unforgiving ground.
The creature sat on me looking into my face.
It then leaned over and whispered words into my ear in a metallic grinding sound, "Once you open the gate, it can never be closed. Once you enter it you can never leave. Once you are ours, you are always ours. Now be still and accept your fate!"
then it reared its head back, and bit deep into my shoulder and tore at my flesh.
It soon released me, and laughed as faded away into a thick luminous fog evaporating over my body.
I lay on my back for hours it seemed and I prayed to myself for death to take me quickly.
I then fell into a deep, dead sleep.
When I woke, I found that I had been moved and was now in a strange room.
Excluding a few candles it remained dim and I was laying on a cold stone floor. I moved to a sitting position and quickly surveyed the room.
A young girl enters the room wearing a long blue robe trimmed in black and she wore a mask like butterfly's wings. It sounds like millions of tiny rain drops as she made her way toward me.
She didn't say a word. She only left a covered silver tray on the floor beside me, and then she left me alone. I lifted the lid and a familiar scent filled my nostrils. I threw it on the floor and yelled for help, but no one came. It was tray of raw human flesh.
I didn't know how long I had been in that room. All I remember of that time is the new found hunger that was slowly taking me over and the growing need to feed. Not a vampiric need but a carnal and instinctive need. I eventually gave in and what you see is the end result.
Later, A tall thin man wearing a gray cloak enter entered the room. And before him I could hear the sounds of invisible trumpets and other instruments playing. He walked to me and offered me his hand and as I took it, he says very calmly, "So you are the keeper and reader of the Grigorical Tome?"
I told him that I wasn't a "keeper" of anything and how I came about owning it the damned book. He stopped me and he continued in a deep resonate voice, "You completed a ritual created by those cast down by God, to walk the earth amongst men. Their child the Nephilm were to keep the tome and only they could possess it's power. You are now one of us. Once you read aloud those words you gave up your mortality and humanity. Welcome to what you might have once called c hell. Soon you will meet our master.
My name is Amdusias! I am controller of twenty-nine legions of hell. Now come with me! I will show you to the others. Today is a great day for us and for you. We have such sights to show you! Today is your rebirth!"
After saying this, he let his cloak fall. Revealing to me his true form. He lead me down a long hallway into the darkness. And I have never really looked back.
And that leads us to the moment at hand. And now that you know the truth about us and our grand illusion. I cannot let you leave...