In Love With The Same Man
The morning I woke up in that hotel room. The first thing I did was allow my eyes to adjust to the sun that was peaking through the curtains. Then I turned my head to my left and seen him facing me asleep. My heart dropped and began to beat so fast. I couldn't believe where I was I couldn't believe who I was with and that I allowed my best male friend who my best female friend is in love with see my body, get me this drunk and spend the night with me. Not to mention his best male friend I am in love with . Only thing that was on my mind is Lord please don't let my guy and his girl find out. Our circle of friends are so tight. We all grew up in the same neighborhood. All of our families know each other. My best male friend name is John. My best female friend name is Mya. My guy I been involved with since age 16 name is Bronze. When I first slept with John I was 18 years old. I chilled with him plently times with and with out Mya and never been intimate with him til now. We have been on so many road trips, we have done so many all nighters and spent the night with each other so much and never did any thing. He truly was my bestie . Someone I can talk to about anything. I would call him to pick me up from other guys house even though I was dating Bronze. I can chill with John when he was with other women beside Mya and we never snitched on each other. Over the years people always assumed me and him were sexing each other when we really wasn't . We were thick as thieves and so close people would call my phone or see me in the street asking where John is. Plenty of his girls never liked how cool we were. One of his girlfriends he bagged her when I was in the car with him. I never got jealous. He is that dude in my eyes and so many. Anyone would be honored to have him as a friend and especially a lover. Mya knew we were cool before they started messing around. She couldn't stop us from be close even if she tried. I never wanted to come in between them. All I did was answer his call half sleep and said, "hello". John asked , "Who am I trying to sound sexy for ?". I stated that I was tired as hell. He then told me to get up he coming to scoop me and that I know how we do. I said what I always say, which is true!. He took long as always, but he came. We rode around . We got drunk and high and sold drugs to dope fiends as usual. It was thrilling being his look out for police . Times I was scared out my mind when we would get pulled over . One time in particular I will never forget I was high as hell and we got pulled over . I'm like what should I do? John said nothing just be cool. He gave the cops a fake name and they let us go. They didn't even search the car. Thank God. I would of went to jail for him . I had nothing to lose at that age. Things were cool as ice with us. We can go to each other for, money , rides, habits , advice and now sex. He was great to get money with. Being that me and John both grew up in a neighborhood of violence, sex , money and drugs we were bound to have sex sooner or later. The night it first happened I realize how drunk I was. I looked in his gorgeous brown eyes and told him I was drunk I began to stare at him. He noticed I was starring and said he's taking me somewhere. After about a half hour we were where we call the circle. The circle is a bunch of hotels in a circle. We went in a awesome hotel and took our clothes off. I said this is me and you . No Bronze No Mya and the next morning I felt ashamed and excited all at the same time.Why now after these years of friendship will we fuck now? Bronze been in and out of jail and I never let John hit it. Bronze trusted John to look out for me who he called his lil mommy. I loved when he use to call me that. I always looked at him as a brother. Mya I look at as a sister. She talks about John all the time. All of us would double date and have sex in the same house. I never thought me and my homie would ever take it that far. I had love for him as a great friend . I wasn't in love with him. My homie did like everything about me and I do too about him.I would get money by hustling and doing my own thing giving shows acting in plays as well as doing shows for old perverts with money and he never judged me . None of them ever judged me and for that I am forever greatful. Bronze and me wasn't in a committed relationship, but everyone knew me and him were fucking for years. He older then me as John is older then me and Mya as well. Me and Mya loved our older guys. They had money, they were funny, mature and respected us. Thats all we needed in them. They really looked out for us alot and we looked out for them. When John finally woke up in that hotel room I was in the shower. He hopped in . I looked at him like oh my! I see why she loves him. He wasn't packing like Bronze not at all. Him being a gentleman , a confider , a friend and sexy made me so vulnerable. I couldn't help but to give it to him again before we left and when he said, "let me taste" I was open for years after that. Later on in my life and even before this there were chicks that have messed with same guys I did and I was hurt. I could't believe why we would do this to our friends. It was so wrong yet so right . When we left and he took me home we was so on point looking around for any one who knew us trying to advoid being seen. Even though the whole town know we were cool with eachother. We felt so guilty and scared we couldn't help our selves. When I was dropped off we hugged then looked in each others eyes like we didn't know what to say. We only could smile and say goodbye. I walked in my house saying to myself I can't ever call him again. I am scared to call him again. How could I look Mya in the face and the next day when she called me I was scared to answer my phone for her. Guilt is not a feeling I want anyone to feel . It hurts so bad. As I look back now I couldn't off felt to guilty because we kept on doing over and over and over. I fucked him out side in cars, At each other house, at other people house, We probably been in every hotel this town has. We started to talk even more then before we started fucking. I had to consume my feelings due to on the regular I had to hear from Mya what they would do in their relationship. I admit many times I grew jealous, but thats my own fault from getting confused and letting my best friend become my lover. I knew deep down he had love for me as I had love for him, but he was in love with Mya as she was with him. He however had many other women in his life and he was in and out of jail as well. One year when I turned 20 Bronze, John, Mya and myself all went on a double date. It was fun we did what we do get fucked up and go somewhere to all fuck in same house . Basically the usual, they had no idea the night before I rung my birthday in with John. It was amazing. We knew the next day we all would get up together and we can't indicate anything. My birthday at age 20 was the last night I had sex with Bronze. A week later he went to jail for couple months when he got out he would not talk to me at all. I figured my time was over , but that we would still be friends. That was not the case. he found out some how I fucked John and confronted me in our neighborhood in front of everyone. I walked up to him and said welcome home I missed you. He said, "bitch you wasn't missing me out here fucking my mans" . My jaw dropped I couldn't grasp what this man I loved that looked out for me , that I felt like the luckiest girl in the world in his car, I felt amazing with him. He wasn't feeling me any more that hurt like hell. I feel like I was being stabbed in the back yet I did the stabbing. The continuing of humilating me kept on going . More evil things he mentioned such as, "did I suck his dick good", Do my home girl know" and I can't ever talk to him again" . I was embarrassed I started crying. For weeks on weeks he kept calling me whores in front of people. Mya kept asking me what is he talking about and I kept lying like I don't know what he heard. I am thankful he never told her. John kept telling me to ignore him and that Bronze said he saw us go in a hotel when Bronze had someone in the hotel too when he just got out jail. I felt that feeling of my heart dropping once again. All I could do is try everything in my power to spare Mya that hurt she doesn't need nor deserve. Mya is a good friend she is giving, fun to party with , sweet, good mom and confider as well. I think thats why I am so cool with both her and John . They both got great similar qualites in eachother . I respect there relationship , but I should have from the beginning. I eventually got fed up with Bronze and his bullshit. I know he was hurt, but he remained friends with John and just treated me like shit. I took it upon my self to key the fuck out his car. That was one of the biggest mistakes of my entire life. A mutual friend seen me do it . I was so upset I didn't care who was around. Bronze was so pissed he came to my mom house and ran in it and beat my ass. I knew then it really was over with me and him. I betrayed him and then keyed his car. We both was angry and did anything to get each other back for hurting the other. I picked up big vase and busted him in the head. A another mutual friend of ours who was recently shot had to calm him down limping and all. This was not the Bronze I knew. This was a guy filled with hatred toward some one he cared about. It didn't stop there. The next day he got his female cousin who was way bigger then me at the time. She whopped my ass too. I can til this day still admit she whopped my ass. Me and her use to be good friends. She felt I did her cousin wrong which I did and I deserved both those ass whoopings. I wish it didn't go down like that though. We are all extra grown now, but that was then. In the moment I felt my whole life was falling apart, but I still had John to run to any time I needed to talk . I should have been running to Mya , but I chose to be with him instead. Times me Mya and John would ride around in car together I would sit in back. I use to wonder why I am being third wheel knowing what I be doing. She use to want to chill with us both most the time I didn't mind. Cause I would have them drop me off to my little fuck buddies cribs who I am really didn't care bout I would just bone. One time We did road trip to take Mya to sign up for school and when she got out car we was talking about when me and him was fucking again. How fucked up is that. She ended up moving out of town for little while. Around same time John did one of his bids in jail. I would visit her she would visit me . I never let me and her friend ship fade. I truly love my home girl . I just had deep sexual passion for her dude. I couldn't help it. I could do anything with him. Threesomes included. We had great sex. I knew it would never me more then just great sex. I let me emotions consume me at times which brought my jealous tendencies. I knew better. I should have did way better. People can say it's my fault or his fault. It' s both our fault cause we both knew what we did and the consequenses and we kept doing it reguardless. John eventually got out of jail and Mya was still living out of town. He would visit her as well. I didn't care after all thats her boo what could I say. Times me and him were together when she would call him. Times he would screen and times she called me I would screen with him. Times we did answer though. This one time was so wrong . Bronze let John get the keys to his place when he went out of town. When he did that he fucked up. He had no idea he would allow me the ultimate revenge. I asked John to make love to me in Bronze bed. No hesitation we did. Bronze house was so nice and neat for a guy it made me wish we were still fucking around how we use to . I could smell him all through the house it was crazy. While riding John dick Mya called. I told him to answer. I was drunk and fucking John in my ex bed was already the ultimate high, now him answering Mya call made the sex even better. It was good sex , but I knew not to make any noise. He put the phone on speaker. She asked him when he was coming back out there to see him. He said "Soon, you already know". Mya said what you doing to him and he said shit meaning nothing, which was clearly a lie. What top the cake is when she said when you you come you gonna make love to me. He looked me in my face and smiled and said yes. I smiled back and kept riding that dick. He said he was gonna call her back she said ok and hung up. I will never forget how quick after that I came. I nutted all on his dick. Talk about fetish.I just laid in his arms for rest of night we talked and fell asleep. We were so slick with our shit for so long. I thought she would never find out. til one day she called me and said is there something you want to tell me. I said no why whats up? She said we need to talk face to face I said ok. She came over and said be real am I fucking John. I said no and if you think that we don't have to be friends. I didn't want me and her friendship to end. I cried when she moved out of town. I loved her. I knew her since I was a kid. I had to deny it. Then when she told me she had sex with Bronze so now I can be honest. I was shocked. I didn't know wether to keep up with the lie, to admit it for her being so blunt like that. I honestly didn't care she slept with him I was so over him by this time. Due to her honesty I admitted I been sleeping with him for years. She had the right to beat my ass. She did not. She told me how upset and dissappointed she was. She didn't want to accept it, but when many people told her about us she confided in Bronze and they slept together. I thought me and JOhn was real smart about it guess we were not. It is very very true what happens in the dark will come to the light. After that me and him didn't sex for a while. It eventually happened again and even though me and him had many other sexual partners we couldn't stop messing around. Time passed and he got locked up for a couple years. Mya and I both stayed in touch with him. Me and her grew apart after more secrets came to light like we both have had abortions and miscarriages by him. At times. I felt resentment toward him for being able to make two friends feel deep love for the same person. Me and her both couldnt shake out feelings. He had this power over us that we both could not leave him alone. Though we should have. I never told him to not mess with her. When his bid in jail was complete. Mya told me she not going to prevent me and him from being friends , but that I should know there is a line and I shouldn't cross it. I told her I am sorry for the past and it wouldn't happen again, but of course after not seeing him for a couple years I had to see what it was again myself not just her. The first time I seen him he got me from work I gave him a big hug and I felt all them feelings coming back I had no choice, but to see what it was hitting for. She eventually asked me again are we still fucking around and if so she falling all the way back. I said we been together a couple times. I really don't want to come between them so I am falling back. It is hard to let John go as a friend. Though he was a big part of my life for so long. I have to sacrifice him to keep Mya how I hurt so bad as a friend. I was selfish and wrong. I can't let who she love consume me in lust any longer. He will be so missed I can honestly say no regrets just lessons learned. I am a better person now. I am a mother , and I have been in a relationship for 8 years. I love my family and no one can come between. I don't condone friends sharing men no good will come from it, but never let a man come between true friendship.