Day 4,748: The Last of My Life
Proudly picking off plump pedestrians while driving down the streets of life. With each one I hit I feel my sense of pride begin to jump. One after another after another after another, I never grow tired. Behind the wheel of my beautiful Rezalb I feel as if I am God. The strength of a million men flows through my veins and I am invincible.
My passenger, a lovely widow. A woman of sheer desire watches as I run over her life. Her cries fall from her seat as I suspend a cloak of darkness throughout the streets. “My life.” she screams. “My life.” And I drive her into humanity. One on one, she battles the aliens of diversity. She suffers a punch to the face and a kick to the ass, but she fights on. With time wearing down she processes her final line. “Hate your daddy.”
Into the haze I drive, pondering my thoughts of “Why?” As I swerve to miss the accidental collision, I land in a pile of heads. All of them talking to me: “Hey buddy, watch where you’re going. Don’t you know how to drive? What kind of idiot are you? Excuse me sir, but does my face look like a pillow?”
Picking myself up off the ground, I step on the face of my wife. “Sorry.” I tell her. “It was an accident.”
“Indeed.” she replies.
“Well, I must be on my way.” I whisper. “Have lot’s of places to be.”
“Indeed.” she replies.
Back on the road, I feel a vibration. My near wreck has caused some confusion. I pull over and check out my wheels. Each one seems to be in fine condition, but my right front is a little twisted. I smile and say, “Can you please straighten up? I have places to be!”
“Certainly.” it replies, but its voice is full of sarcasm. So I decide to change it.
Pulling out my spare, I give it a good talking to. “Now, your predecessor was a mighty fine guy, but he was a bit of an asshole, so please, please be good to me.”
Without a trace amount of sarcasm or pity, it replies, “Sure can do.”
Within minutes I’m back on the freeway. Floating across the country, and cascading through my memories. Seconds later I make a stop. I have to go pee, but there is no tree. “What do I do?”
I scramble around the area, looking for some cover, but my time runs short. Pee runs down my legs. “Thank you very much.” scream my pants. “I always knew you couldn’t hold it.”
After a brief apology and a quick wipe down, I am back on the road, hoping to find my way. I’m already twenty minutes late for my meeting and I can’t afford to be lost. But after a little thinking, I find my direction. As I turn, I look up to the sky and see the stars, they’re laughing at me. I shrink into my seat and try to hide, but all I hear is their laughter outside. I pull over slowly and quickly jump out. I run a few feet and begin to shout: “What the hell is so funny? What the fuck did I do? I’m never going to wish on you motherfuckers again!”
Standing in the middle of the road I stare into space, praying that it will help me out. But it tells me, “I’m too busy. Maybe later.”
“Pee-pee pants. Pee-pee pants.” shout the stars. Their laughter causing a thunderous roar.
I retreat into my vehicle and start to think. “Is this all real or is this all fake?” My dreams start to form and take shape. They escape from my mind and sit down beside me. I look in their eyes and stare into their souls. But all I see is lonely ol’ me. I stare some more, and look for some life, but in this lie there is only demise.
Alone on this night with dreams of productivity racing through my mind. Locked in this car with the key dangling outside. Trapped beneath the casket with the corpse tossing me aside. I’m so alone, so lonely. Afraid of my life.
“Lend me your ears.” a starnger politely says. “A promise kept is a promise broken, and in this life full of deceiving hearts your strength will be tested as you travel down roads paved with dust.”
Before I could respond the stranger is gone. Vanishing into eternity. I ask myself, “Was he really here?”
My hands answer with a swift slap to my face and I realize I had seen the truth. “Forgive us.” they respond. “You were acting a little weird.”
“I know. And I am sorry.”
My guilt flees out the window and I am ready to drive. I start the engine and shift from park. I take the wheel and steer into oblivion. I pass power lines singing as they give the world peace. I overtake families smiling while they share their love. I see flowers blooming. I feel hearts beating. I stop at restaurants and feed upon their grace. I fall down little hills and climb up steep mountainsides. I travel through my life and reach for the hand of love.
Ready to commit, I pull to the side. I open my door and run to our tree. I search for hours, looking for four simple letters. Finally I find them. Tiny little letters surrounded by a halfway crooked heart. The memories of her face flood my mind. Her kiss glides across my cheek. Her hair flutters above my eyes. Beauty without disguise. We lay beneath this tree, hand in hand and heart in heart.
I climb high into the tree, hoping to leave these memories. I miss her. It’s been thirteen years since she found the fates. Sitting far above the leaves, I remember the way the taste of her skin would paralyze my lips. I remember her hand caressing mine while she rested in the hospital bed. I remember the doctors telling me, “We don’t know. We’re sorry.”
They didn’t know. They didn’t know what she meant to me. It’s been so many days since I have been blessed by her gaze. I used to pretend time didn’t exist. I would sit in my home and watch the clock. I would stare at the second hand, the minute hand, the hour hand. I would sit and laugh. I knew she was waiting for me. And without time I would be in her arms forever.
But reality reared its ugly face and I lost all belief. Bombs were dropped, millions of jobs were lost, greed was overwhelming, and time began to start. Day after day, I watched myself fall into a hatred for everything and everyone. Depression sat and held my hand, it comforted me while no one else did. I slipped further and further away from humanity, and closer and closer to insanity.
I never wanted a normal job, yet I worked fifteen of them after her death. I sat in offices. I carried mail. I took orders. I did everything I could to pay the bills, but it was all worthless. Everything was pointless without her in my arms. I couldn’t find inspiration. I couln’d find my imagination. It was all gone. It just went bye-bye. I didn’t even have a chance to wave.
I married short after her death. I found a young woman who loved me but I didn’t love her. I was just lonely. I needed someone to listen to my screams, so I asked her to marry me. We had two kids. Patrick and Lily. They are both beautiful, intelligent, and amazing. But I feel as if they’re not mine. I love them, but they’re not made of my flesh. Their blood is not the same as mine. We are different.
My wife and I ave been married for almost twelve years, but our marriage has never been real. We tell each other we love one another, but we both know the truth behind out lies. She understands that ever since the death of my lover I have not been alright. She realize’s that my heart is not truly hers. Sometimes she cries. Sometimes she has trouble sleeping at night. But I always apologize. “I’m sorry for the way I am.” I tell her. “My fantasies are the only things keeping me alive.”
As I stare into the sky I lose my balance, I fall from the tree and land awkwardly on the ground. My leg is in severe pain, and I cannot feel my arms. I try to move but I’m stuck, glued to the ground. I turn my head and see a caterpillar. “Need some help?” It asks me.
“Nah, I’m good.” I reply.
“Suit yourself.” It tells me.
Then I watch it slowly crawl away until it fades from my sight. Suddenly I’m attacked. Three vultures swarm around me and try to bite. They must have seen me motionless from up above. “Get away!” I scream. But my cries have no result. The vultures gnaw at me. They pick the meat off of my bones. With each bite I feel my life escaping. “Get Away. Get. Get. Get!”
“We will leave when we are finished with you.” one of the vulture growls at me.
“Yes, just fall asleep. Your life is safe in our beaks.” another yells.
“Mmmmmm Mmmmmmmm Good.” laughs the other.
The vultures resume their feeding. I watch as they pull my tendons and break my ligaments. I just wish I could hop in my car and run over their heads. I would enjoy splattering their guts across the road. But I can’t. I’m tied down, and they’re feeding upon me. “I must be delicious.” I think to myself.
After what seemed like hours, the three creatures flap their wings and soar high above my sight. A sense of relief comes across what’s left of my body, and I almost feel reassured that my life will not end.
I try to flip over, but as I do so, my head lands on a rock. Then the world starts to spin, our tree loses its leaves, and our engraving falls free. “How could this be happening to me? How?”
“It is destiny.” a voice roars far above me.
“Who are you?” I scream, beginning to wonder if I had died.
“Destiny is without time.”
I begin to float. I’m levitating. I try to kick but then realize my legs are no longer connected. All I see is light. A beautiful golden light surrounds me. I’m in awe of its beauty. Then I see her. The face of my love. Her hand reaches for mine. She kisses me with all of the passion in the world. “Poor little baby.” she painfully whispers.
I place my hand on her face and wipe the tears from her cheeks. “I missed you.”
“I know.” she replies. Her smile warms my heart and I feel so alive.
“Where are we?” I ask.
“The beginning.” she answers.
I look around and realize I’m no longer surrounded by light. I see nature. Nature to its fullest extreme. I see little trees sprouting up around me. I hear water from a stream smoothly flowing over time. I watch as God creates my eternity.
I look into my lover’s eyes and she looks into mine. “Welcome.” she says as she leads me by the beat of her heart.
“Look. It’s beautiful isn’t it?”
“Yes it is.” I reply as I wrap my arms around her and kiss her goodnight.
