December
I lay here and watch as the snow falls for the first time this year. I gaze across the lawn and I can almost see you, far in the distance.
I study the figure I see far from me, focusing, squinting. My heart is racing. I know it is you, the way you walk, yes it must be you. I sigh, I know it is not, it could not be.
I raise the window just enough to breath the frosty air. The winter is so beautiful and peaceful. I push my hand through the small opening within the window sill to touch the tiny pedals of snow. So cool, so wet. I close my eyes and touch the winter in my mind, standing alone looking towards the darkened sky, watching as each tiny flake of snow falls towards me, wrapping me in it's pure white silk.
I can hear her call to me. I know her voice, I have heard her calling out to me many times. "I have always been here", she said to me. "Where"? I cannot see her. I study as I look towards the familiar voice. "Here, I am here as I have always been". I turn slowly, following the comforting sound of her voice, and she is here...right here before me. "I do know you, you are the Angel in my dreams".
The moonlight cast a golden aura around the figure before me. I could not believe the beauty she possessed. I become breathless as she began to speak to me. "Do you remember me now...I have always been with you...always".
The tears began to blind me as I stood motionless before her. "I remember when you came to me, I was but a child then". I could barely hear myself as I spoke to her, remembering the first time I saw her. "You came to me upon my window sill in the most beautiful snowflake I had ever seen".
I closed my eyes and allowed myself to go back to that time....long ago.
I was sitting there just as I am now, watching as the heavens poured out it's beauty across the skies...wondering why my life could not be as beautiful and as calm as December. The tiny white flakes glistened and smiled at me as they piled one on top another onto my window sill. The tiny flakes fall feverishly, landing at random, forming mountains and valleys, all different and indivusal yet, similiar in the gental movement as the wind carefully places them accordingly. I watched as they danced and sang...listening as the wind conducted their symphony...filling me with peace and contentment. Then I saw her...unlike
any snowflake I could have ever imagined.
She was the largets...brightest...purest I had ever seen, as if she were... the Guardian...the protector.
She set herself apart...watching...as the tiny snowflakes gathered for their winter festival to begin. I smiled in sheer delight as I watched them play for her...looking up to her...pleased that she was there. And so was I. I extended my finger towards her, wanting to touch her beauty. Our eyes met and I could hear her in my mind.
"Be at peace, the world is yours and all it contains will lead you to understand who you really are and why you are here. I will be with you always...just call on me".
I wiped the wonder from my eyes and looked again to see if she were really as I had just imagined. I could no longer see her...but I could feel her presence within me...as if she had become a part of me. As I opened my eyes comming back from my childhood, I looked at the Angel and she smiled at me as if she knew my thoughts.
I have needed you so many times in my life, I have never forgotten you...I have always called out to you".
She could hear the sorrow in my voice,
and knew the real reason I needed her tonight.
"I have fallen so many times...I have lived my life as far as I can and I have yet to understand why I am not at peace within my soul".
The Angel looked at me and smiled as the words began to flow from her lips.
"Have you not had the gift of sharing your soul...your thoughts and desires to the world?
Do you find peace within yourself through your literature and the kind words you speak?
Do you not believe the joy you have brought to others by your words? You have shared joy and peace to others that have never experienced the feelings of such emotions.
You were THEIR Angel.
You have allowed them to know peace as well as love.
You have planted the seed of kindness in their souls.
You have saved them from the restlessness of this world, one word at a time.
Yes...you have ALWAYS been an Angel.
You do not need material things to compare your life's rewards to.
It is not measured by what you have to hold, it is measured by what is in your heart and soul and what you give, what other's see you as.
And they see you as the Angel you are.
You will never be at peace until you yourself realize that you are an Angel...just as I am.
That is why I came to you so many years ago...to save you from yourself.
I knew your precious soul needed to be released, or your life would have been in vain".
As I stood before her I could feel the warmth of her glow within me. I have never known this kind of feeling...peaceful...calm.
I looked into the Angels eyes I then realized the glow was not comming from her at all...it was comming from me. I am, as I have always been... an Angel.
The Exoticwriter 1999
