Superfriends 2000
DISCLAIMER: Ok, well, I am a member of the OSC (Wonder Woman, actually) and this story wasn't written by me. It was written by Spider Man (yes, the one and only). I'm posting this purely for the reason that it's good, fun writing and EVERYONE will enjoy reading it! Thanks - Wonder Woman
SUPER FRIENDS 2000
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The Boss smiled. In front of her was a long, oak table.
"Ladies and gentlemen... You have all been summoned this morning for a very important reason."
There was a quiet murmuring. Doctor Octopus raised an eyebrow thoughtfully.
"And what would that be?"
The Boss winked at him. "I'll tell you soon enough." She rose from her plush leather chair. "Dear associates, it is indeed a dark time for the criminal underworld as we know it. The economy is flourishing and the people are at peace. Children laugh in the streets and play games. There is happiness and joy in the lives of all citizens."
Uneasy glances were exchanged between the seated villains.
"Why may I ask has such bliss befallen the city of Rentontonia?"
Silence.
"I'll tell you why! It's all because of them, those single-minded morons over there at the Official Superhero Club!" She pointed out the window to a building that glimmered in the sun. Her fingers returned to touch her lips.
"But suppose... just imagine... if they didn't exist? What if we could rid this disgusting planet of earth's mightiest heroes?"
More silence.
"People, listen to the words coming from my mouth. It is possible! All our slaving towards disharmony and havoc could finally be fulfilled! How you wonder? Well, that is why I called you all here." The Boss moved towards a slide projector near the wall. She turned it on.
"The lights, please." Obligingly, Doctor Octopus extended two of his long metallic arms. With a quick motion, the light switch was flipped off and the curtains drawn. It was completely dark in the room except for the projection from the machine.
"First things first," spoke the one in charge. "Know your enemies!" There appeared a picture of Wonder Woman - she was flying through the air with an injured child whom she was taking to safety. The Boss shuddered.
"This is my greatest foe," she spoke. "For years she has thwarted me! Though I have never been caught, my plans are always foiled or reduced in greatness. It's just so frustrating to be an unloved villain these days..." She wiped away a tear. "Why can't we just lived together in chaos? It's all I've ever wanted in life... is that so much to ask?" More teary-eyed sniffling ensued. "Can't a girl be allowed to pursue her dreams of anarchy?"
There was a sympathetic sigh from those seated. Doctor Octopus offered a Kleenex in her direction.
"Thanks. Sorry..." She cleared her throat and continued. The next picture was of Spider-Man swinging through the air. Hissing and snarls broke out upon seeing it. Doctor Octopus stood up from where he sat, shaking a clenched fist.
"If only I had a nickel for every time he's gotten in my way!" He shook his face and furrowed his brow. "That web-headed nincompoop is always shouting taunts and laughing at me - he doesn't take me seriously! It just makes me so mad to think of him smiling beneath that stupid bug-eyed mask of his!" There was more nodding and agreement. The doctor took his seat again. The Boss frowned.
"Yes, their newest member has indeed proven to be a worthy opponent. What I find especially irritating, as the good doctor noted, is his annoying attempt to make jokes while engaged in battle. It only serves to anger us... But anyway, shall we continue?" She hit the switch.
Jedi Knightess' image followed. Her cloak was shown billowing in the winds and her hands grasped a blazing lightsaber. Only one of the villains at the table had encountered her before. Darthess Day bared her teeth.
"This heroine is an interesting one for sure," spoke The Boss. "Having crossed great distances from a galaxy far, far away, she seeks out those in need and avenges the helpless. Perhaps her only downfall is the color of her hair..." There was some snickering and giggles. Darthess Day frowned. Then she rose.
"Do not laugh, I say!" And they didn't. "This Jedi is not like the brainless females of your planet. She hides her true intellect beneath an outward appearance. But within, she harbors sheer genius and mastermind potential! So beware... many of my kind have fought and lost to her. You would be unwise to assume such things as you do."
The Boss replied, "Are you quite finished Darthess?"
She nodded.
"Good."
The projector hummed. Next was a picture of the Super Stud. He was smiling and flexing his muscles - a publicity pose. Tight black shades rested on his face.
The Boss cast a wary glance towards the end of the oak table where a particular villain sat. The light from the projector couldn't reach far enough to illuminate this area... and that was a good thing. For this villain didn't care for the light. It preferred to remain in the blackness, to conceal its face from sight. Within its heart was allowed to fester unparalleled despise and hatred towards the Super Stud. The cause for this was unknown.
"The Super Stud must die..." rumbled a deep voice from the corner. The Boss nodded cautiously, launching into her intro.
"He is a great threat to us all. However, in the past, I have been able to... deal with him, shall we say." An evil smiled curled upon her face. "Still - his super strength and good looks can turn any villainess around into a decent, good-natured person." She became momentarily lost in thought.
"Enough of this. Continue with the familiarization process!" It was the being from the dark section of the room again. The Boss snapped out of her daze.
"So sorry. Where was I? Oh, yes. Now I remember. Well, the Super Stud is definitely a dangerous enemy." She pressed the projector button one last time.
"And here are our final two adversaries - Supergirl and Superboy!" There was a chuckle from one of the villains. Lex Luthor lifted his feet onto the table.
"I'd hardly call them adversaries! Ha! Within my reach is a large deposit of kryptonite shards - the ultimate weapon against those sorry excuses for heroes!" The Boss raised an eyebrow.
"Oh really? Then why, pray tell, haven't you destroyed them yet?" Lex fidgeted with his polka-dot tie.
"Well, you see, I've been rather busy lately and well... you know..."
"Know what?"
Then he lost it.
"Hey, shut up, okay? Can I help it if they make an unstoppable team? Was it my choice to be their archvillian? Sheesh! It's so not my fault. We don't live in a perfect world; I can't do everything all the time! They're smart and strong. And they've got youth to boot. So why don't you just lay off, okay?"
The Boss sighed. "My apologies, Luthor. As I was saying though. Now, I'm sure you've all seen these heroes at one time or another. And we've all failed at least once while trying to defeat them. So that's why I've gathered us here today. To discuss an ultimate plan - not just any plan, but the best plan!" She walked over to the light switch and turned it on.
Doctor Octopus, Darthess Day, the stranger in the corner, and Lex Luthor looked at her with new interest.
"You see," she began, "with our combined efforts, I personally believe that we can raise up a giant fist large enough to crush the entire OSC in one swift strike!"
There was cheering from the seated audience. The doctor raised a tentacle.
"What will this plan consist of?"
The Boss smiled. It wasn't a nice smile.
"Listen, and I'll tell you."
Viewing the world from upside-down had its advantages. The rain no longer fell, but rather came up out of the sky towards the pavement. People walked and jumped as if hanging from invisible strings, only to be pulled taught once more against the cement walkways. Such things were seen only by Spider-Man.
This particular morning, he hung from the ceiling of the OSC Headquarters living room, gazing through the window. He held a mug in his hands containing tea. Glancing at his wristwatch, the time read 7:29am. Only a few more moments of silence, he thought to himself. The others would be arriving shortly. Then the course of their day would be set into motion.
He sipped his tea, wincing as it burned his tongue. His eyes wandered over to the kitchen counter where the coffee machine sat quietly. It stared at him. The expressionless dispenser began to whisper. Indulge in the smell of roasted coffee grounds... You know you want to. You know you're nothing without me. And you know you need me, want me. Desire me. Go ahead! Leap down from the ceiling and toss that worthless cup of flavored water! Only true coffee can satisfy your longings. Give in to your love for me! Drink to our happiness!
"No. I don't need you." The arachknight clenched his teeth together. The words he spoke felt real, they held merit - he did not want the coffee. Nor did it tempt him. He was free.
Just then, his thoughts were interrupted. The others had arrived. Twin glass doors were pushed open as Wonder Woman, Jedi Knightess, Super Stud, Superboy, and Supergirl paraded through. There was a loud commotion as talking and laughing vibrated against the walls of the narrow hallway, leading to the living room/kitchen area. Spider-Man gently dropped to the floor without a sound, his long, blue bathrobe draping behind him. He placed his mug on a nearby table. Turning, he greeted his friends as they entered. "You're all on time, not too shabby."
Wonder Woman smiled. "My alarm was set for six, but somebody kept hitting the snooze button. It's a miracle I got here when I did." Super Stud made his way over to the counter, searching for a coffee mug. Spider-Man commented.
"They're all clean and in the washer. Don't be shy, pick up a rag and dry them." The stud frowned at him and grabbed a single mug.
Meanwhile, Jedi Knightess had plopped down on the couch and bunched up her cloak as a pillow. She was quickly off to sleep. Supergirl flew up to the highest shelf and grabbed a bag of Skittles.
"Catch," she said, throwing them down to the Jedi Knightess. They landed on her stomach. "Oops, sorry!"
Superboy had joined Super Stud by now, dumping about five creamers into his own mug. He also emptied the rest of the sugar from the container into it.
"Mmmm, can't have it too sweet." Wonder Woman shook her head.
"That's just wrong."
Spider-Man picked the morning paper up off the counter and removed the rubber band. He again acquired his cup of tea and sat down in a plush chair with his legs crossed. He nodded to Wonder Woman.
"Okay everybody," she said with a commanding tone, "take a seat. It's time for the schedule. Johnson, Lynch, get your scrawny butts over here." They reluctantly obeyed and carried their Java with them. Spider-Man tossed a clipboard to the Amazon. She too took a chair and crossed her legs.
"Moving right along then," she started, putting her feet up and relaxing, "today is regular wash down at the coin-op. Spidey, this goes out to you mostly. I don't supposed you've smelled your costume lately..." He shook his head no.
"Well do so, and get it cleaned. It smells like you've been dancing in exhaust fumes again. But other than you, we're all okay with the cleanliness factor - anybody else think they need washing? No? All right, next thing on the list..." Superboy snagged a few Skittles from the bag faster than anyone could see. Wonder Woman turned her attention to Spider-Man.
"Hey, what's this - you marked down an absence note from twelve to one thirty? We've got you scheduled for bathroom cleaning during then. Or is that Super Stud, I can't see too well yet...."
"It's him!" piped up the stud. "I did it last week." Spider-Man almost knocked his cup of tea over.
"Say what!? You know darn well that I cleaned them last!" The Amazon raised a hand. "Boys, please, give me a second. Supergirl dear, read this, will you?" She handed the board to the Kryptonian. With super vision to match her namesake, Supergirl read the words.
"It says clearly that it's the stud's turn." Matt Johnson jumped up off the couch, causing Jedi Knightess to sink deep within its folds. "Ack!" she cried, as it pulled her down.
"You're seeing things!" claimed the stud, grabbing the clipboard from her. He squinted at it. "Um... I can't read that." Super Stud passed it to Superboy, who was currently choking on too many Skittles. He gagged and turned blue.
"Here, give me that," said Spider-Man, reaching down onto the floor. Shaking his head, he read it aloud. "It clearly says that it's Jedi Knightess' turn." There came a muffled protest from beneath the couch cushions. Super Stud turned around.
"Kir?"
He traced her still-visible cloak into the seams between the cushions. Then, with one mighty toss, heaved the couch over. Supergirl and Superboy went flying backwards onto the carpet, whacking their heads together. Wonder Woman sighed.
This was going to be a very long day. Kirsten Esvelt, a.k.a. Jedi Knightess, came tumbling out from beneath the couch. There was a nasty bruise on her forehead.
"Poor Kir," muttered Spider-Man. He continued to read from the clipboard. Wonder Woman flew over to the first aid kit and grabbed a few things. Both Superboy and Supergirl were regaining consciousness by now and wondering who flipped the couch. The Amazon returned with a box of bandages.
"There we go, good as new," she said encouragingly. The Jedi looked at her reflection in the window and frowned. There was a big Band-Aid in the middle of her forehead. Super Stud tried to hold back a snicker. She wheeled around, glaring deeply into his eyes. He stopped.
Spider-Man ran a hand through his hair and yawned.
"Could we get back to business here?" Superboy plopped the couch back right side-up. He grabbed the entire bag of Skittles. Wonder Woman helped Supergirl off the floor and back to where she had been sitting. She then took her place too, nodding towards the Super Stud. Once again, everyone was seated. They were now awake as well.
"Clipboard, Jon," commanded Wonder Woman. He gave it to her. Then she cleared her throat - a terrible noise to hear at 7:39am. "Where were we... oh yes, the bathrooms. Well, since nobody here can make up their mind whose turn it is, I'll just do the stinkin' job myself!" Not a hero protested. So she continued.
"There's some autograph signing today around two-ish, I suggest we all show up. And in costume preferably. Some of us do have secret identities here. Oh, Spidey... you never answered my question."
"Which was?" He sipped his tea.
"What are you doing at twelve this afternoon?"
He was quiet for a moment. The others noted the cease in the Amazon's droning and let their eyes fall to the arachknight.
Spider-Man once more sipped his tea. Silence continued. He unfolded his legs, sighed, and moved to the edge of his chair. He had a weird smile on his face.
"Well..." he started. The OSCers listened intently.
"I've got an appointment."
"That's all?" inquired Super Stud. Wonder Woman raised an eyebrow.
"There's no deep, dark, secret you're hiding, is there?" asked Jedi Knightess. The Amazon began to smile. Superboy furrowed his brow.
"Are you planning to invest in the NASA space program for sending premature mushroom spores into orbit?"
Everyone turned and stared at Superboy. Supergirl gently took the bag of Skittles away from him.
"It's all right Matt... just let go, okay?" He pulled it back. She tugged her way. He yanked towards himself. She heaved her body backwards. He grasped the bag even tighter.
"Mine!"
And then it ripped. There was a rainbow of color above the heads of those seated on the couch. For a single split-second in time, a million small pieces of candy hung frozen in the air. Sunlight poured in from the windows of the living room, shining with immense beauty that sparkled off them in pretty colors. Everyone present looked on in awe of the display before him or her! It was sheer awesome-ness as never seen before by human eyes!
"Ow!" Super Stud, Jedi Knightess, Supergirl and Superboy all cried out. The hard candies rained down upon them like pelting hail. One single Skittle managed to land on Spider-Man's noggin.
KER-PLUNK!
He frowned.
"I'm surrounded by morons." The crew on the couch looked sheepish.
Wonder Woman smiled as she quietly untied her Lasso of Truth. Spider-Man rose to stretch. Then she snagged him! The bonds of the mystical weapon held him tight, forcing him to his knees.
"Now small spider," bellowed the Amazon rather deeply, "tell us the TRUTH!" But a moment before his lips parted to speak, the mail alarm went off.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
Wonder Woman dropped Spider-Man like a cold potato and dashed to the kitchen counter where the Official Superhero Club's mailbox was flashing a bright red. The box was just that - a large contraption made of steel, iron, and other such metals that are really tough. Letters from anybody and anyone were sent via a hidden tube that ran from the street up into their building, straight to the heroes themselves. In the past, they had trouble with the device since evil villains were using it to send bombs and nuclear explosives. But that didn't happen anymore after the government required special stamps to be used on things sent to the OSC, and you had to have a background check before you could buy these stamps... so...
All in all, the mailbox was a safe thing to retrieve your mail from. Spider-Man untangled himself from the lasso and left the room rather quickly. Nobody noticed that he was gone. Wonder Woman opened the lid and pulled out a large envelope. There didn't appear to be any return address. Super Stud craned his neck over the top of the couch to see what she was doing. She returned to the living room with the envelope and some other bills.
"Let's see what we've got here..." she trailed off. "Hmmm, to the OSC Headquarters. I guess it's for everyone then." She plopped it down on the coffee table where Supergirl picked it up. In only a few seconds after she opened it, she had read it through twice - her super speed was particularly efficient today. She waved the letter in the air.
"Listen to this everyone!"
"What is it?" asked the Super Stud.
"Read it aloud," added Wonder Woman. Supergirl cleared her throat. This is what she read:
Dear superheroes, in honor of your superb and multitalented abilities as our city's greatest protectors, we here at the Excellent Variety of Lollipops wish to hold a private celebration for you. It will take place this Saturday at twelve o'clock, here, at our factory. Food, drink, lollipops, and plenty of Skittles will be provided free of charge! Please do not alert the press to the gathering, since it is to be a private and very special celebration. As citizens of this fair city, we are proud to have you as our heroes and heroines. We have only a few requirements of you:
Please leave all weapons at home, including, but not limited to, lightsabers, lassos of truth, webshooters, solar energy, and studliness.
If the above mentioned items could be excluded from your participation, we're sure it will make for a much more enjoyable time. Thank you for your consideration, and may you have a wonderful time at your honorary celebration.
Yours Truly,
Ssob Eht
President of EVL
Wonder Woman looked like she was deep in thought. Super Stud was really happy and already planning what he would wear to the party.
"I'll definitely be going to this thing. Did you hear that? Free Skittles! I wonder what their lollipops are like too. I've never heard of EVL before anyway." Superboy was already dreaming about how many more of the small candies he'd be able to consume. That made him smile. Jedi Knightess caught the concerned look on Wonder Woman's face.
"What's wrong, Kates?" The Amazon slowly raised her gaze to meet that of the Jedi.
"Doesn't it seem a bit odd? I mean, why would they want us to leave our weapons here when we never know if we'll need them?"
There was silence. Supergirl folded the letter quietly and laid it on the table. Wonder Woman sighed loudly.
"Well, I guess we can go. I just have a bad feeling about it. Besides, what kind of name is Ssob Eht anyway?"
Still more silence. The Super Stud bit his lip.
"You know... if they're offering Skittles, that's enough to get me there." Everybody nodded - even the Amazon.
"Good then," spoke the stud cheerfully, "for lunch we dine on refined sugar!"
Later that day, as twelve o'clock draws nearer...
Jon Sulzbach breathed slowly. His ’98 Volkswagen Beetle sat in the parking lot of Dairy Queen. He was gathering thoughts and thinking while leaning back in the seat of his vehicle. It was nearing time and she still wasn’t there. In some respects, that made him feel better. He always felt strange when he went out to lunch with famous people. Or rather when Spider-Man did… Jon reached an arm into the back seat of the car and retrieved his backpack. Unzipping it, he shoved his hand in and took out his costume. He winced after smelling it.
“Never did get this thing washed.” Next he dug around for his mask. To his dismay, it was nowhere to be found!
“No, this can’t be happening… tell me it’s not true!” But it was. He’d left in such a hurry that he forgot the most crucial aspect of a superhero costume.
“Breathe Jon, breathe.” He looked at his watch - 11:55. As if he didn’t feel bad enough skipping out on the honor party the others talked about, now he’d have to tell them that it was all in vain.
Just then, a black limousine pulled into the parking lot. Jon hurriedly crammed his costume back into the pack, plopped it down on the passenger side next to a tray of chocolate cookies, tossed an altoid in his mouth, and checked his hair. Not bad Spidey, he thought to himself. You just might pass for a decent looking human being today.
“Here goes nothing,” he muttered. Opening the car door, he put both feet on the pavement and rose. The limousine driver parked and got out from across the lot. He walked in a straight line until he reached the last door to the vehicle. His gloved hand gripped the handle. Jon straightened his sweater and cleared his throat.
The door opened…
And out stepped Natalie Portman, looking beautiful as ever in a dazzling blue dress and a sparkling smile. Her hair was made up nicely with two long, curled strands draping against the sides of her face - which were as soft and delicate of that of a newborn. It took the strength of every atom within Jon’s body to refrain from slobbering. The driver then escorted her to the door of the restaurant. Jon composed himself and walked over to where she stood.
“Uh, excuse me… hi, yeah. My name is Jon and I’m here on behalf of Spider-Man. There were some unexpected problems that… um… came up while he was on his way here. So he won’t be able to join you right now. But I’d be more than willing to take his place! I mean… Oh, no, um well, what I meant to say was…”
Natalie smiled. Jon paused.
“Do you like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches?” She raised an eyebrow hesitantly.
“Yes…”
“Okay! Then how about visiting the OSC Headquarters where Spider-Man actually lives?”
“Will he really be there?” she asked with anxious eyes. Jon almost couldn’t resist the urge to gaze into those eyes for all eternity.
“What? Oh, no, he won’t actually be there today. At least I don’t think so anyway. But we, I mean they, the OSC, have a huge, large supply and variety of jam for sandwiches. They have a huge kitchen too! Myself however, I’m just um… a spokesperson for them, yet I use the facilities sometimes.” He was lying and felt bad too. But she appeared interested.
“Oh well, then I guess I could spare a few moments. I sure do hope Spider-Man shows up… he’s my favorite superhero.”
Jon stared dumbfounded.
“He… he is?!”
She nodded. The limousine driver coughed. Jon let an outrageous idea form in his already-brainstorming mind.
Well then, I’ll have to make sure he does stop by.
He smiled. And then remembered that he still had braces.
Wonder Woman led the way to the rooftop of the OSC Headquarters. Behind her followed the Super Stud, Jedi Knightess, Superboy, and Supergirl. Each of their special powers and weapons had been left behind - the Lasso of Truth, the Jacket of Studliness, and the lightsaber of Jedi Knightess. As for Supergirl and Superboy, it was impossible to lose their solar-powered energy. Unless there happened to be a month-long eclipse of the sun, their power would remain intact. That didn't seem like it would happen today though. And so, the little band of mighty heroes and heroines gathered around the rooftop. The Amazon walked near the middle of the area, feeling around for something. Where was her invisible jet? Then her head collided with the side of it.
BONK!
“Why’d you do that?” called out Super Stud. Wonder Woman took a few steps back, rubbing her bruise.
“Shut up and get in.” They all walked over to where the Amazon stood and climbed up the side of the jet. She was the last one to get in.
“All right, let’s get this show on the road. Please baby, work this time, okay?” She turned the ignition key. There came a sickening sound from deep within the machine.
“That’s not good, is it?” inquired the Jedi. Nobody answered her. They just sat and stared out the window. Wonder Woman wasn’t exactly jumping for joy either.
“ARRRGGGHHH!” she grunted loudly. It was a rather deep grunting noise. “Stupid piece of junk!” Superboy looked at Supergirl. Jedi Knightess looked at Super Stud. Wonder Woman turned around in her seat and frowned.
“Okay people, get out and fly. I have to, no, I MUST take this thing to the shop sometime.” There was some protesting from the back of the vehicle.
“Do we have to? I hate flying with you guys.” Super Stud sighed. “I always get a huge wedgie when you carry me.”
A few minuets later, the OSC was speeding through the air, despite the protests of Jedi Knightess and the Super Stud. Superboy held the stud and Supergirl held the Jedi. Wonder Woman flew in the front, leading onward to the Excellent Variety of Lollipops candy company. Below the heroes, one could see all the colors of the city meshing together. People moved about freely, cars made their way along the streets. Children were at play in the parks and animal owners took their pets for walks. Skyscrapers reached into the light-blue atmosphere, yet they were still a great distance from the heroic beings above. Gradually, Wonder Woman led them into a descent towards the EVL factory below. They landed in the parking lot quietly. Super Stud did his best to get rid of his wedgie.
“So, where’s the party?” wondered Supergirl. The factory building lay in the distance about fifty feet away. A woman in a business suit and glasses stuck her head out the employee door.
“Hey there! Come on over, the celebration is about to begin!” Jedi Knightess turned to the others.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s go!” They proceeded to make their way over to the entrance and filed through one by one. Wonder Woman looked around in awe of the building. There were decorations strewn about the walls, tables upon tables of food, banners draping nicely, and music played all the while. An area was cleared for a dance floor with a separate place for party games. The woman in the business suit stood in the middle of the room.
“Welcome OSCers! I’m Ssob Eht, president of the EVL candy factories of Rentontonia. We are honored to have you join us today! Please, make yourself at home! The others will be here shortly, they’re doing some last minute shopping… can you believe it? We forgot the Skittles!”
Jedi Knightess felt an odd disturbance in the Force. Or was it her stomach? She couldn’t tell. Superboy looked highly disappointed, as did Super Stud. They were in this thing purely for their favorite candy. Wonder Woman wasted no time, however, and quickly made her way towards the black licorice table. She felt like she was somehow being pulled there by an unknown power. Regardless, the licorice was phenomenal. The others just kind of stood in the center of the room, looking lost. Ssob Eht quietly disappeared from the scene. As she walked across the catwalk above the party, she motioned to a hidden figure. Lex Luthor loaded the kryptonite shards into a long capsule. He then opened a sliding panel of a very large energy cannon, which was mounted on the handrail of the catwalk. The machine hummed quietly.
Super Stud sadly picked up some potato chips. He’d really been hoping for some Skittles. Jedi Knightess placed a hand on his shoulder. Just then, an ear-shattering boom rocked the entire factory.
BOOMSHAKALAKA!
Wonder Woman turned to see what had happened, black licorice falling out of her mouth. Superboy was hit hard in the chest with a powerful cannon blast of pure kryptonite energy! His body flew across the room, landing against some boxes.
“What in the…” Supergirl never finished her sentence. Boom! Another blast plummeted her into solid concrete. Super Stud poised for action, looking above at the catwalk. There stood five figures, smiling. Jedi Knightess gasped. Wonder Woman wore a shocked expression.
Ssob Eht removed her glasses. She was none other than - The Boss! The OSC had been tricked! Standing to her left was Doctor Octopus and a shadowed character. To her right, Lex Luthor and a lightsaber wielding warrioress stood grinning.
The Boss laughed.
“You fools! You have played right into our very hands! Now at last I shall have my revenge! No, all of us shall have our revenge. Prepare for the ultimate confrontation with your makers!”
Jedi Knightess, Wonder Woman, and the Super Stud looked at each other. Things were about to get ugly.
Darthess Day hurled herself into the air and came crash-landing down on the floor. Her lightsaber hummed and glowed brightly.
“Darthess Day!” exclaimed Jedi Knightess. The Sith advanced slowly. “Yes, it is I!” She swung as hard as she could at the Jedi, who simply propelled herself up into the air, landing high above a chocolate churning machine. Darthess followed, her cloak flailing behind.
Super Stud shook his head and started to walk backwards, away from the figures above him.
“This can’t be happening!” Wonder Woman flew up to where The Boss stood laughing. The shadowed character to the left of her descended to the floor. It moved towards the stud. Matt kept shaking his head. “This isn’t real, it can’t be!” He knew who the figure was. He knew the extent to which its hatred reached. He knew the name of this black and vile creature...
The Mark!
“Merlin where art thou when I need you?” whispered the Super Stud. From high above, Wonder Woman grabbed and shook The Boss.
“I should have know it was you all along!” Doctor Octopus shot out three of his four extra arms and snagged the Amazon. She lost her grip on The Boss and began to try fighting. But alas, she couldn’t reach or tear the limbs that held her wrists and ankles. She was tossed like a rag doll through the air, landing on a conveyor belt. Lex Luthor took the stairs down to level one where he retrieved the bodies of the fallen Supergirl and Superboy.
"Many years have I sought to have revenge, Super Stud. Though you possessed a different name back then, my defeat was just as painful. Do you know how long I have lived a life of seclusion in my home state? How long I've been ashamed to hide my face?"
The Mark moved into the light. Super Stud winced. He had grown much uglier than when he'd seen him last. Laughing evilly, The Mark drew back his dirtied black coat to reveal a broadsword. The blade glimmered slightly. He smiled. It was not a nice smile.
Jon gazed wishfully into her eyes. Natalie Portman was ever so delightful to watch when she was eating. Grape jelly was smeared around her lips as she munched on the sandwich. Since he'd seen her last, in Star Wars Episode I - The Phantom Menace, Natalie had grown taller. Taller than Jon even. Still, he continued to dream. He couldn't believe she was really there, sitting with him at the bar table in the OSC Headquarters kitchen. They'd spent the day talking about many things. Spider-Man hadn't shown up yet, and Jon was wondering if he should really go as far as to don the suit right then and there, saying he was her beloved hero. The thought went through his mind time and time again. But he'd realized that she wouldn't be liking him for Jon Sulzbach, rather his alter ego - the arachknight. Such was life.
"Well, I'd better be going now... George insists we redo the kissing scene for episode two..." Jon's heart sank. Natalie picked up her small purse from the counter and brushed her curls back.
"Thanks for the wonderful day, Jon. I'll see you later, okay?" She smiled and gave a little wave. "Call me."
"I will," whispered Jon, as she exited through the glass doors. He plopped down on the couch with a heaviness that choked his heart. His gaze lifted to look out the window. Then something caught his eye - the letter on the coffee table. He saw its reflection in the glass. He saw the signature of Ssob Eht. But it no longer read that way. It read The Boss! With a sickening feeling, he picked up the letter and read it fully.
In a heartbeat, Spider-Man was out the window. The webslinger swung through the city with a speed he never knew he had.
Spider-Man landed squarely on the pavement of the EVL parking lot. He dashed like a madman to the building, tearing off the door and diving through. His eyes met a disheartening sight. Jedi Knightess was trying to defend herself against Darthess Day, but she was weaponless. Spider-Man dug into the bag he'd brought with him, grasping the Jedi's sacred lightsaber. He moved with unparalleled ease over the smashed tables and scattered corn dogs.
"Jedi Knightess! Catch!" Spider-Man threw the weapon to her, high above the rafters. She had just jumped over another one of Darthess Day's slices when she saw the arachknight. Reaching out, her hands clasped her twirling lightsaber - it ignited in a glorious blaze of brilliant violet. She smashed it against the Sith's blade and sparks flew. Jedi Knightess forced the villainess back against a beam.
"I'll see you in heck!"
She swung at the Sith's torso.
SLICE!
Darthess Day crumpled over and fell from above. The Super Stud himself was faring just as poorly. The Mark had delivered a few lucky blows to his shoulder. Spider-Man hauled butt to where they stood fighting. His webshooters fired off a stream of gossamer webbing that was strangely burning with a blue blaze. Behind his mask, Spider-Man winked at the Super Stud. Then he tossed him his Jacket of Studliness and let him finish the job. Super Stud delivered three punches directly into the ugly mug of his opponent. He fell over unconscious.
Where was Wonder Woman? The arachknight jumped up to the catwalk where he spotted Lex Luthor dragging off the bodies of Superboy and Supergirl. He shot a webline and stopped him in his tracks. Just then, his spider-sense went crazy. A screaming pain shot through his shoulder. The hero fell to his knees. Doctor Octopus laughed heartily.
"Looking for your Amazon friend? See for yourself how she's doing!" Spider-Man was hoisted into the air by the doctor's mechanical arm and given a view of the factory. There lay Wonder Woman on the conveyor belt, screaming in agony! The polishing brushes used at the company to shine the candy now served as a wonderful tickling device.
"You're despicable!" growled Spider-Man. Jedi Knightess came flying out of the rafters, crashing down on Doctor Octopus. Her lightsaber sliced through his artificial appendages as though they were melting butter.
"My precious arms!" he cried. Super Stud joined the two heroes atop the catwalk. He was fully powered up now. He lifted the doctor into the air and threw him into a vat of caramel.
GOOSH!
Down below, having been out of sight and in hiding, The Boss quietly slipped out of the building unnoticed.
Spider-Man, Jedi Knightess, and the Super Stud went over to where Wonder Woman was held captive by the bristles of doom. They stopped the machine and freed her.
"Here," said the arachknight. "Your lasso, I believe. You left it at home."
"Thanks," she replied. Jedi Knightess went over to the weakened Kryptonians and propped them up against a canister of sugar.
"They've been hit pretty bad," she said to the others. Wonder Woman looked worried. Spider-Man shot a few more webs to secure Lex Luthor's legs. The balding man protested and demanded a right to call his lawyer. All he got was a mouthful of web.
The following morning...
Jon trudged into the OSC Headquarters living room with his eyes half-shut. Superboy and Supergirl were lying in stretchers near the couch. Wonder Woman and the Jedi Knightess held two bowls of chicken soup and were feeding them.
"Ow! That's hot!" protested Superboy. The Jedi grinned and shoved more into his mouth. Spider-Man ran a hand through his hair, which had been slept on the wrong way. Super Stud sat at the bar with a cup of coffee.
"Hey Spidey," he said warmly. "Mind explaining why there's grape jelly all over the counter?" He held up a slip of paper with Natalie's name and number. Jon looked at him and smiled, shrugging innocently. He plopped down in his chair, draping his robe around himself. Superboy looked a sickly green color. So did Supergirl.
"How are you both feeling?" he asked. They moaned. Wonder Woman set her bowl down and picked up the clipboard from the other day.
"Well, what do you all say to opening with prayer this time?"
There rang out a cheer from each of them.
"Amen!"
The Boss sat quietly at her long, oak table. She wore a scowl on her face. Her fingers dug deeply into the wood.
"You win this round, superheroes," she growled. "But the day will come when I shall defeat you all. Just you wait! Then, and then only will you know the full extent of my wrath!"
Then she laughed.
And smiled.
It was not a nice smile.
...THE END?
