Still loving you
This story is dedicated to- Mariam
I fell in love with a girl knowing there is no chances for both of us to be together
Her name is "Mariam" she had moved to our school two years ago, she is so spirited, she is open minded , intelligent, beautiful in a way I can never describe. At first we were so distant from each other and I didn't realize that I love her only a year before, so I started getting close to her, I even switched place with my friend in class to sit in front of her, then we became close after little chit-chats between the lessons. She started to trust me and tell me some of her secrets and after a while she almost told me everything, she was so funny and cute, she was always spirited, I had a strange feeling towards her I didn't know what it is until I felt jealous when she told me about "karim" that she is in love with him, I was shocked my mouth dropped open with a big question mark and a skull and a poison coming out of my head in a cloudy bubble like the cartoons, I went back home thinking about her and I realized how stupid was I and how was I so blind that I couldn't know how strongly I loved her, at last I knew what was that strange feeling, but it was too late.
I decided later on to forget her but I started to see her everywhere, whenever I go to the club she is there, and wherever I go at school I find her, besides I couldn't switch my place back, and then the worst, or I could say the most beautiful thing that had ever happened in my life, she started attending my dreams, I had the sweetest dreams with her but whenever I wake up I realize that I am only dreaming.
I am not always that kind of romantic person but I had very romantic dreams like once, I dreamt of her in pink silk dress she was too beautiful to describe and I was there; invisible she was crying I don't know why but I wanted her badly I stepped forward to her and I removed the tears from her face, by my hand, then I hugged her I didn't want anything as much as this dream to last as long as it can, POP!, My mother's voice "Hey!, Wakeup you will be late for school" , I soon get dressed and went to school she was there in front of a market near the school, so I pictured her once again in the dream, and once again back to the real land "Earth" , We both said hi to each other and then I went directly to school I didn't feel like hanging around with my friends before school, I reached school I sat in my class room thinking of her,
I had a pen in my hand and a paper on the desk, without knowing I wrote down a simple love letter telling her about my love and wrote two poems and finally signed my letter with the word, "Anonymous" I left it in her bag at the break time then went down to enjoy myself, I came back to class I found her reading it, I asked her in a foolish way and told her what is that trying to grab my own paper form her hands, as if I didn't know what was written, she drew it back and continued reading it I wrote another couple of letters and the last one, she tore it and threw it in her desk, then she started to cry, as soon as she did my tongue slipped with a low voice "I am the one who wrote it!" she raised her face in a begging way "say that again please", I told her once again clearly in a loud voice "its me I am the one who wrote, I don't want you to say any word, all I want to say is that I love you, and that I am crazy about you, and I loved you form the first moment I saw you, I am sorry if my letter bothered you, I won't write you once again, I promise to take care of you, either if you loved me back or didn't then I left the class, , she ran after me until she caught up with me she took her breath for 5ive sec. then she started telling me that she can't love me back and that I have to find another girl, because she think that I deserve a better girl, but how the hell does she know I love her and I want her not any-else girl.
And till this moment I am still in love with her seeing her everyday and watching her all the time in school, telling her that I love her and I will always do.
As time passed, I grew bolder with her, Occasionally I would ask her out, sort of as a joke , sort of to stick the knife a little deeper in to see when my blood would start to bubble out. she would always laugh and change the subject. I loved the way she laughed, except that what I really wanted more was a Yes. Every often I say mean things to her so I may appear sexier, but they were never that mean, and she never listened to them any way, and I would be left feeling about as sexy as a trash can. That doesn't mean that she dislike me or despise me she always say that I am nice, though I hate that word and I always put it up with the words, " I like you as my brother", "You have a great personality" ...etc. Once she told me over the phone that I am nice so I hanged up feeling like a million dollars but after a while I realized that
she just think I am nice nothing else, its not like she said I am in love with you . One of my friends felt pity for me so he set me up on a blind date, I met my blind date partner at the club her name was Heba, she was cute and pretty maybe more than Mariam but still she didn't swap my heart away whenever I looked at her, our dialogue was simple we said hi to then she never took her eyes of me. I came back home and went to bed, Next morning I woke up one the phone-ringing, it was her I took the receiver from the phone and said "Hello", "Hello" but there was no answer so I was going to hang up but lucky me she said Hi, we started having little chit-chats about school rubbish, and suddenly when I was talking she said I love you, I didn't know what to say so I proceeded with my subject about how hard biology lessons are then she said it again " I love you", I told her" I don't know what to say" so she just said " Tell me that you love me back " and since I know how hard it is when somebody breaks your heart, so I told her that I find her attractive and I sort of have a crush on her, as soon as these words rushed out of my big mouth, she hang up, and called back after 5 min. with a childish innocence manner saying sorry the line cut off, I just laughed and said " no. prob." now she is my girl friend and I am in love with another girl. I thought a couple of times before, that I have to break up with Heba and tell her the truth about Mariam but whenever I start telling her she give me that innocence look which come up on her face when I talk to her eye-to-eye so I take my words back before they slip once again like when I told her before how I find her attractive.
Up till now I believe I can make Mariam love me and forget about Kareem, though she broke my heart. But as they say " You certainly can't hurry love"